Thursday, January 10, 2008

At the foot of the Cross

I've been meaning to post this for the last few weeks. This is an excerpt from "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris, which he quoted from "When God Weeps", by Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes. I came across it while Naomi and I were reading through "Boy Meets Girl", and it was such an incredibly moving description of Jesus' sacrifice for us on the cross that I wanted to post it for anyone who hasn't read one of those two books. There is so much more to say about this, but for now, set aside the next five minutes and read this through. If you can't identify with any of the specifics it lists, put your own list in. The things that you've done that maybe no one else knows about, except God. The things you agonize over when you're praying, sitting in church, reading His Word, or lying awake at night. The 'little sins' of excluding God from areas of your life, jealousy of someone else's life or circumstances, the hurtful words that slip out when you're angry or upset.

Read it slowly, and let it sink into your mind. Imagine it in all the horrible agony that it was for Christ. Let your heart break over the incredible, unfathomable sacrifice He made for you. Not just anyone. You. And when you're done, ask yourself if you're really and truly living in the shadow of this Cross. Are you spending every waking minute in the presence of the One who has done this for you? Are you living your life for yourself, or for Christ Jesus, who paid this price to bring you out of darkness and into His eternal light and life? Ask God to show you the answer to this question, and He will. Your heart will break.


------
The face that Moses had begged to see - was forbidden to see - was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth’s rebellion now twisted around his own brow. His back, buttocks, and the rear of his legs felt the whip - soon they looked like the plowed Judean fields outside the city. ” On with the blindfold!” someone shouts. “That’s it - now spin him. Who hit you? Heh, heh.” By the time the spitting is through, more saliva is on him than in him. No longer can he be recognized. “Cut him down from the post! Send him toting his crossbar to the playground.” Up Skull Hill to the welcome of other poorly paid legionnaires enjoying themselves.

“On your back with you!” One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier’s heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner’s wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier’s life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son do “all things hold together” (Colossians 1:17). The victim wills that the soldier live on - he grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings.

As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm - the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless - the nerve performs exquisitely. “Up you go!” They lift up the cross. God is on display in his underwear, and can scarcely breath.

But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being - the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father’s eye turns brown with rot.

His Father! He must face His Father like this!

From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The Son does not recognize these eyes.

“Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped - murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten - fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed. Oh the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk - you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end! Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp - buying politicians, practicing extortion, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves - relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, I loathe these things in you! Disgust for everything about you consumes me! Can you not feel my wrath?”

Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.

The Father watches as his heart’s treasure, the mirror-image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah’s stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.

“Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!”

But heaven stops its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.

The Trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Looking forward to leave

Tomorrow is my last day of work for 19 days! I'm taking leave until January 10th, and I can't wait. I'm leaving for Waxhaw right after I get off work tomorrow to spend Christmas and New Years with my wonderful family and my beautiful girlfriend. Tim's going to be down from school, and Aunt Rachel is coming down to visit, too. Hopefully while I'm up there I'll get a chance to drive up to Raleigh and visit NC State for a day. I got accepted there starting in summer semester of '08, so as long as the Navy clears everything, I'm definitely going. As much as I've had a great time teaching at NPTU, I'll definitely be glad to be leaving here. I'm ready for something new and challenging, and going back to school as a 24 year old freshman should be an interesting experience. The Navy made me change my intended major, so now I'll be studying materials engineering instead of construction engineering, but since they're paying for it all, I suppose I can't complain too much.

God has continued to bless Naomi and I in our relationship, and it's been an incredible experience so far seeing His hand at work as we both seek His face and His will in our times together and our times apart, too. We've been reading through "Boy Meets Girl" by Josh Harris, and talking about it chapter by chapter on the phone at night. It's been encouraging, and also it's brought out some good questions and prompted some great conversations. I wish I had read it a long time ago. We'd both really appreciate prayer that God would give us peace and contentment as we're doing the 'long-distance relationship' thing. It's hard sometimes, but it's comforting to know that God has a plan, and it's neat to see the things He's been teaching me through it.

I would write more, but it's 9:00 now, which means it's time to call Naomi! :)

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

-Ephesians 3:20, 21 NIV

Friday, December 07, 2007

Back on shift work

Tonight will be my third night of mids... the first week I've had to work mid-shift since July. I went back to crew (and shift work) ten days ago, and I'll be doing this until I leave for NSI in late January. I wasn't very happy about leaving my nice day-staff job, but I am trying to make the best of it and trust God that He has reasons for where He has me right now. Thankfully Naomi has been very understanding and supportive of me with my weird schedules now, and has gotten used to me calling at all sorts of strange times of the day. It has been just under a month that we've been dating now, and I'm still amazed every time I talk to her or see her by God's plans and timing. This relationship was really not something that I felt at all prepared for, and God has been using it in many ways to grow me and stretch me in my walk with Him. It has been amazing to me to see His faithfulness every step of the way, and He has been teaching me every day to find my strength in Him, and to give up every part of my old self to Him. Every day He brings to mind more areas of my life that need His power and cleansing, and every day I realize more and more my complete dependence on Him. Learning to trust Him completely has been hard... there's so many areas of my life where I want to be in control, so many decisions that I want to make for myself, so many parts of my life that I don't want to change or don't think I can change. But at the same time it is so completely awesome to see Him at work in every facet of my life, changing and renewing and healing. There's so much room to grow, and I thank God that in His wisdom He only reveals to me as much as I can handle at one time. Sometimes it seems like more than I can take, but He is faithful. Always. Even my bad days aren't that bad anymore. He is always at work, and I am so grateful to Him for that.



Lord, please never let me become satisfied with who I am while I am still living in this sinful human body. I pray that every day You would point out the areas in my life that do not conform to You. The habits, the thoughts, the attitudes... Lord, I want to be more like You. Let me never lose sight of that goal. Let it permeate my every thought, my every action, my every word. Thank you for Your power to change lives. I am a life that was changed. Let me never cease to give You glory and honor and praise.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

What love is this?

How deep the Father's love
How awesome His compassion
For years I turned my back on Him
Tried to do things my way
Did what felt good
No thoughts for tomorrow
I was
young
invincible
fearless


Wrong

The choices I made still
haunt me
sometimes, on nights like this
I wonder
how
could I have been so foolish
thoughtless
careless
how did I ever think it was about
me, even for a moment?

and I am ashamed
without excuse


Why did you not forsake me, God?
Why did you keep loving me?
Why were you right there when I needed you?

Even in my arrogance You
protected me
loved me
guided my every step

longing, hoping
waiting for me to
turn around and
acknowledge you,
see you, and smile
to love you, even a little

What do you see in me, O my King?
Who am I, that you think of me,
want me
to see your face?

O Lord, what Love is this??

Monday, November 12, 2007

another short one

So I have some stuff I've written recently that I want to post, but it's on paper, and is at home in Charleston, and I'm here in Waxhaw... so, in the meantime here's what else is new. God is constantly poking and prodding me in so many areas of my life that I need to change. Every time I struggle through one thing and finally (with a massive amount of help from Him) get it straightened out, He points out another shortcoming, another area where I could be more like Christ. It is actually really awesome! It's so exciting to see everything that my Lord and my Savior has done with me and through me in the last few months. And the things He has done for me. One particularly bright and shining example is the godly, loving, stunningly gorgeous woman He has placed in my life. She's amazing, and it's been incredible getting to know her better each day. She lives up here in Waxhaw, but so far it's worked out for us to see each other fairly regularly. I'm really excited about seeing what God does with this relationship, and about devoting it wholly and completely to Him. He is truly an awesome God!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

quick update

So I have successfully quit smoking, not because of anything I have done (to be honest, I didn't even really want to quit at the beginning), but through the power and grace of my Lord Jesus Christ. It's been over a month now, and I haven't even had a single craving for one. Awesome. Looking back on it now, it's kind of hard to believe that I really did that to myself for so long. It's unbelievable how much better and healthier I feel now.

In other news... two pretty neat things happened lately. The first is that I got the day-staff job I wanted, working as the RPPO (repair parts guy) for EOD (electrical off-hull division). Mostly that means I don't work swings or mids or weekends or holidays anymore, and instead of training students, I am doing maintenance work almost exclusively. I love it.

The other neat thing is that I found out on Sunday that I got selected for the STA-21 officer accession program. So, in February next year I will be heading up north somewhere (Rhode Island, maybe?) for 8 weeks of NSI (too many acronyms in this post... this one stands for Naval Science Institute), and then after that reporting to the NROTC unit at NC State (probably... that's not set in stone yet... Penn State is still sort of an option), and attending class full time starting that fall. How cool is that! So I'm going back to college. Wierd. Now that I'm 23 years old, and everyone from my high school class has already graduated.

so yep... that's the new stuff that's going on. I've been going to a service at church called Every Tuesday, which is a really cool young-adult service at Seacoast, and I've been loving that. Then church on Saturday nights too, or Sunday mornings sometimes. God has been doing TREMENDOUS things in my life, in so many different areas. It's truly amazing. What a merciful and awesome and loving Lord we serve.


-Anson