18 days... what am I going to use for headlines once I'm married?

When I sat down to write a post earlier tonight, I had it all mapped out in my head what I was going to write about. I knew what I wanted to say, and how I was going to say it. I had all the points I wanted to cover already laid out. I had scripture in mind to support what I wanted to say, and I thought it was going to be helpful to people.


But you're reading this post instead. Why? All too often in my life I try to get ahead of God. Instead of relying on Him minute-by-minute for everything, I try to plan things out my way. I know what I want, and I know how to get it. I shut Him out. This is the attitude that characterized about five years of my life. I didn't stop believing in God, I just didn't have time for Him. I still prayed sometimes, and read the Bible occasionally, but it was either out of a sense of duty, or else it was in the hope that God would affirm the decisions that I had already made for my life. I made choices based on what I thought was best for me. Sometimes I even told myself that it was what God wanted for me.


Even if the things I plan for my life are done in the best of intentions, it is still wrong to take control of my future out of God's hands. James 4:13-16 says:

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.' (NIV)

This is a sin that I fall into all too often. I make decisions without the leading of the Lord. Sometimes they seem like such small decisions that it doesn't really matter. But every decision I make either brings me closer to God by relying on Him in everything, or it pushes me away from Him by trusting my own sinful nature. God uses even the smallest of decisions in my life to teach me more about Himself.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

The time spent in prayer seeking God's will in each and every decision is what draws us into a deeper relationship with Him. It is a humble reliance on God for everything. Not just the big decision. Not just the things we don't feel like we can handle on our own. We should recognize that we can't make any decisions in our own wisdom and strength.

Paul tells us that 'the peace of God... will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.' This peace comes only when we place all our decisions at the feet of God and humbly wait for His guidance. Decisions made without Him don't bring peace into our lives. They are the source of our anxiety; they distance us from Him.

Sometimes God allows us to make decisions based on the good judgment that He gives us through His Spirit. Sometimes He calls us to wait for divine guidance or intervention. Each decision is different, but we need to present each and every one to Him in prayer. This should not be a burden to us. It should be a joyful experience as we wait on the Lord. Sometimes the answers come right away. Sometimes it takes longer. Often the answer God gives is not what we had hoped for. But if we trust Him with the entirety of our lives, the answers are always the right ones, and that is what matters.

Lord, thank You for not leaving me with the decisions of my life. Thank You for the wisdom that You give us through Your Spirit. Thank You for always listening to our prayers, no matter how small or insignificant they might seem. Lord, let me never rely on my own strength. Let me always seek Your will, and give me the patience and humility to wait for Your response. I pray that in everything I do, say and think about, You would be glorified. Lord, I desire that You be made greater and I be made lesser. Remind me always to seek Your glory in everything, not my own.

Day 22... the weekend is finally here.

Two more weekends after this one! This one will be short, which is kind of a bummer, but Naomi will probably get a chance to come up and visit on Tuesday next week with some of my family who are going to make a day trip up to see our apartment and such. Since they'll be out in Texas soon after the wedding, they won't get much of a chance to come up and visit us in Raleigh, so they're coming to at least check the place out before then. I'm looking forward to being able to show them around, if it works out for them to come up.


I got a chance to listen to one of pastor Sean Cordell's sermons on the trip down here. Naomi and I feel God is calling us join the body of believers at Treasuring Christ Church in Raleigh, and while we haven't had too many Sundays actually spent in Raleigh yet, I have been able to hear all the sermons for the last three months, thanks to their podcast. One of the upsides of seven hours driving time each weekend is plenty of free time to listen to the podcasts I never seem to have time to listen to during the week.


Anyway, this last week has been a growing time for me as God has been teaching me in a really hands-on and practical way to wait on Him timing, to be obedient to Him when He says wait, and to make prayer a real two-sided relationship with Him. He's taught me so much about communing with Him through prayer and meditation. And the sermon I listened to on the way down really reinforced a lot of those very same things. Neat how God works stuff like that out. Seems like almost everything I've read or listened to this week has been about the very things God has brought up in my life recently. What an amazing, all-powerful God we serve.


It's almost midnight, and the battery on my laptop is running low. I thought I could use Tim's power cord to recharge, so I didn't bring mine down, to save a bit of space packing. A good idea in theory, since we both have MacBooks, but in practice, Tim happens to be out for the night at a friend's house, and he has his computer and power cord with him. So no late-night writing session for me tonight. Probably just as well, anyway. I could use the sleep.


Thank You, Father, for the things you teach me each and every day. Thank You for the way You use other people and circumstances in my life to reinforce the things that You've been teaching me, and to make me ponder the things in life that seem so difficult some times. You have brought me to a point where I can truly say thank You for the hard times in my life. I love You, Lord, and I would rather a lifetime of difficulty with You than a day of pleasure and comfort apart from You. Thank You, thank You, thank You. You are my God, my Savior, my Friend. And I desire to do Your will. Lead me in Your will so that You get all the glory.

31 days left!... and this too is a process...

I was reading today from 'My Utmost for His Highest', and was prompted by the Lord to reevaluate the motivations behind my thoughts and actions. If you read this book, you'll notice that I'm a couple of days behind (this is the July 28th reading), but here's the passage that made me stop and think:

    God's training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.
    God's purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious.

        -quoted from 'My Utmost for His Highest, An Updated Edition in Today's Language' by Oswald Chambers. Edited by James Reimman. Discovery House Publishers, 1992

Wow. I have been trying to make myself wait patiently for God, to be at peace in the 'here-and-now', and to leave things in His Almighty hands. But I didn't look on these waiting periods as God's training in my life. Instead I saw them as trials to be endured.

That's not what God has in mind at all. He is teaching me obedience to Him in waiting. Testing and building my faith in Him in all circumstances. Faith in God's perfect plan is easy when things seem to be moving along nicely. Not so easy, however, when things seem to go wrong or just to be at a standstill.

If only I had realized this during past 'dry spells' in my spiritual life. They didn't happen because I was somehow not 'close enough' to God. They happened because He was trying to turn my heart back to unconditional obedience to His will. Trying to do things on my own strength is pushing God out of the picture. And He was gracious enough to allow me to see how futile that is. God definitely calls us to action in service to Him, but the difference between what I was trying to do and what He wants me to do is that that action can only be through Him. Not 'what I need to do', but 'what God needs to do through me.'

Father, I submit to your will in all things. I praise you for your sovereign plan for everything. I worship you, Lord, and I cast down my life at your feet. Whether it is times when you call me to action, or times when you call me to obedience to Your will in being still and waiting on You. Give me a heart that seeks after you, Jesus. A heart that is obedient in all things. The consequences and results of my actions are not for me to worry about. Everything I say and do belongs fully and only to You. I wait on You, Lord. Give me the wisdom to learn from every moment of my life. I love You, my Father, my King, my Savior.