"Make my life a prayer to You,
I want to do what You want me to
No empty words and no white lies
No token prayers, no compromise"
These words, penned by Keith Green four years before his death in an airplane crash in 1982, kept running through my head last Sunday. I was heading back home after Tabitha's wedding, and had a lot of spare time while sitting in the airport terminal sipping a coffee. God used that time to convict me of those words in the first verse. Looking at my life in the past year, I realized just how far away from God I had drifted. "Make my life a prayer to You"... I had hardly even talked to Him in months. "I want to do what You want me to"... I couldn't remember the last time I had asked God what He wanted me to be doing. "No empty words and no white lies"... that was exactly what my walk with Jesus had become; an empty relationship, broken by lies to myself and others about how I was doing spiritually. "No token prayers, no compromise"... my entire life had been compromised by my willingness to accept what the world had to offer while distancing myself from the love and discipline of God.
God had been building up to this the whole weekend. Watching my sister get married, I was struck by what a lucky man Matthew was to be marrying such a Godly woman. Watching Mom and Dad interact with each other and with the rest of the family, I realized how richly I was blessed by growing up in a home so in tune with God. I thought about how far I had distanced myself from that. Surrounded by my family, I felt like an outsider. They had something I didn't. They had joy, contentment, and peace. I had all the worries, shame, and anger that I had kept to myself and not shared with God.
I cried out to God that day. I talked to Him for the first time in weeks. I poured out my heart to Him, and confessed my sin, and prayed for His forgiveness. I talked with Him about the things that were weighing me down. I praised Him for the blessings He has given me that I had not recognized or appreciated. I surrendered to Him, and He washed me clean.
And then I started listening. I listened as God began to convict me about the areas in my life where I was not right with Him. There were a lot of them. I prayed that he would show me each behavior, each habit that kept me from drawing closer to Him. It was hard. It still is. But He promises:
It is an ongoing process. Every hour, every day I find I need Him even more than ever. So many areas of my life need to be cleaned up, brought back in line with God's perfect plan. I pray that I will never get comfortable with who I am or where I am at in my walk with Him. Thank you, God, for not giving up on me, even when I turned my back on You. Take my life, Lord, and let it be dedicated only to You, that I might glorify You in everything I say and do. Let Your light shine through me so that I can be an example to the world of Your forgiveness and redemption.
I want to do what You want me to
No empty words and no white lies
No token prayers, no compromise"
These words, penned by Keith Green four years before his death in an airplane crash in 1982, kept running through my head last Sunday. I was heading back home after Tabitha's wedding, and had a lot of spare time while sitting in the airport terminal sipping a coffee. God used that time to convict me of those words in the first verse. Looking at my life in the past year, I realized just how far away from God I had drifted. "Make my life a prayer to You"... I had hardly even talked to Him in months. "I want to do what You want me to"... I couldn't remember the last time I had asked God what He wanted me to be doing. "No empty words and no white lies"... that was exactly what my walk with Jesus had become; an empty relationship, broken by lies to myself and others about how I was doing spiritually. "No token prayers, no compromise"... my entire life had been compromised by my willingness to accept what the world had to offer while distancing myself from the love and discipline of God.
God had been building up to this the whole weekend. Watching my sister get married, I was struck by what a lucky man Matthew was to be marrying such a Godly woman. Watching Mom and Dad interact with each other and with the rest of the family, I realized how richly I was blessed by growing up in a home so in tune with God. I thought about how far I had distanced myself from that. Surrounded by my family, I felt like an outsider. They had something I didn't. They had joy, contentment, and peace. I had all the worries, shame, and anger that I had kept to myself and not shared with God.
I cried out to God that day. I talked to Him for the first time in weeks. I poured out my heart to Him, and confessed my sin, and prayed for His forgiveness. I talked with Him about the things that were weighing me down. I praised Him for the blessings He has given me that I had not recognized or appreciated. I surrendered to Him, and He washed me clean.
And then I started listening. I listened as God began to convict me about the areas in my life where I was not right with Him. There were a lot of them. I prayed that he would show me each behavior, each habit that kept me from drawing closer to Him. It was hard. It still is. But He promises:
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" - (1 John 1:9)
It is an ongoing process. Every hour, every day I find I need Him even more than ever. So many areas of my life need to be cleaned up, brought back in line with God's perfect plan. I pray that I will never get comfortable with who I am or where I am at in my walk with Him. Thank you, God, for not giving up on me, even when I turned my back on You. Take my life, Lord, and let it be dedicated only to You, that I might glorify You in everything I say and do. Let Your light shine through me so that I can be an example to the world of Your forgiveness and redemption.
2 comments:
Hi Anson... thanks for writing your thoughts. I've been praying for you as often as God reminds me for the past several years -- that God would use your life for His glory, all of you. And especially with my wedding coming up I was praying that God would use it for His purposes. I love you, my brother!
3 John 4 "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in Truth."
How blessed I am to be your mom! I love you!
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