Things are starting to get a bit hectic... days 4 and 3

Yep, I missed another day. My internet was down last night, which was probably a good thing, 'cause it meant I went to bed early. I needed the sleep.

Three more days! Wow! Incredible how fast this week is going by! God, thank You that everything is falling in to place so smoothly. Thank You for caring about all the details of our lives, thank You that nothing takes You by surprise, thank You for the grace you show us when we mess up and get off track sometimes, thank You for such a wonderful, loving, supportive family who has been doing so much for Naomi and I during the last weeks and months and years, thank You for the gift of Your love for us, even more than we can ever truly understand. Thank You!

Tomorrow is my last day of school for the week, and I'll head down to Waxhaw in the evening. Friday lots of people start showing up for the wedding, and we have the rehearsal at 2:00, followed by a rehearsal dinner and hanging out with people we normally don't get to see. And then the big day!!! I'm so incredibly excited! Not as nervous as I thought, but that will probably come soon enough.

Again, I'm sorry that these posts haven't been up to par with other weeks. I am too busy/excited to really sit down and write much. God has been teaching me (us) lots and lots of stuff, though, and I hope I can remember most of it to write about after things settle down a bit. Despite the difficulties and sadness of the last week, we still praise Him for being a sovereign God. Despite the hard times, it is still such a delight to serve Him and seek to follow His will in everything.

Thanks for praying for us!

6 days... 5 days... it's all coming up so quickly!

Yep, I missed another day.... I got home from Waxhaw pretty late last night and went straight to bed. We found out on Sunday morning that Naomi's grandfather had passed away during the night. He was a follower of Christ, and it is a comfort to know that he is resting with Him, and free from the pain now, but it has been really tough on Naomi and her family. They are in Georgia today and tomorrow for the funeral, and will get back late tomorrow night. We'd sure appreciate your prayers for the family. It has been hard not being able to be with Naomi through all of this. I know this didn't catch God by surprise, and that He has reasons for this happening when it did. Sometimes His sovereign plan doesn't make sense to us, and the only thing we can do is rely on His strength and grace to get us through the day.

7 days... one week from today...

As seems to be the case on most weekends, there's so much I want to write about, but I don't have the time right now. This next week will be stressful enough without capping it off with a sleep deficiency. One week, though! I'm so excited! Thank You, Lord, for being so constantly and consistently in our lives, for drawing our attention back to You even when sometimes we start to drift away, and for being so gracious and loving in forgiving the sins that we confess to You. Thank You for all the ways that you have brought these wedding plans together. Father, without Your guidance and help, there would be no wedding next week. It just wouldn't have happened. Thank You, thank You, thank You!

8 days left!... and some pictures for you..

Here's a few pics of what's been going on recently here. Not really representative of a 'normal' day for me, since that usually involves school work and such, but these are some of the highlights, anyway.


An abandoned 22-story hotel that Tim and I went exploring in one night. Not the brightest idea, but we had a good time. And the view from the roof was awesome!


One of the rooms in the hotel.


Aimee learning to ride my motorcycle.


My soon-to-be-wife and I relaxing


(Some of) my family up to Raleigh for a visit.

9 days... we're down to single digits!

Yay! Less than 10 days to go now! God has been so good to us. Everything is really starting to fall into place! This is for real! heheh... I'm so very incredibly excited!

Tim is here for the night before he heads back up to school in PA. He's flying back down in a week for the wedding, though.

My thoughts are kind of all scattered now, and I have a feeling they will be for the next, oh, nine days or so. So I apologize in advance for perhaps not being as verbose over the next couple of weeks as in the past.

Anson

Sick of Facebook ads?... Me too

There's a lot of websites out there with ads on them. And usually it doesn't bother me too much. On sites that provide great content free of charge, I don't begrudge them the revenue they earn from people clicking on ads. But the ads on Facebook really started to get on my nerves. They're everywhere, half of them are filled with questionable content I don't really want to be looking at, and, well... I just plain old don't like them. So I hunted around a bit tonight trying to find out how to get rid of them, and came up with a Greasemonkey script that so far seems to be doing the trick.

Greasemonkey is an add-on for Firefox which allows users to specify scripts to be run whenever designated web pages are loaded. The scripts might add new functionality to the page, change the way the page looks, or add new content to pages. There are hundreds of scripts for lots of different web sites at userscripts.org.

The one I found to block those annoying Facebook ads can be found here.

Happy Facebook-ing!

Crazyness... only 10 days until I'm married!

Wow... that's amazing. Is it really down to 10 days now? That's amazing. This last two months have flown by quicker than I ever imagined. Quite the opposite of what I was expecting...

Today was the first day of classes. It was OK, but I was exhausted from being up too late last night writing here, and it made some little things that normally wouldn't have bothered me seem to be a big deal. It didn't help that we had a mandatory NROTC picnic with all the other kids in the program. Over the summer it was just us prior enlisted folk, and everyone was pretty cool. Now it's completely different... sigh... I suppose I should get used to it. That's what the next three years will be like.

I'm off to bed. I really want to be caught up on sleep before the weekend happens, and Tim will be here tomorrow night, so I probably won't be going to bed early then. I'll write more tomorrow.

11 days and counting... time is flying by

Today was awesome! Naomi, Mom, and the kids came up to visit from Waxhaw. I got to show them the apartment (except for Naomi, who isn't allowed to see the changes I've made for another 11 days), we went out for lunch at a great pizza place called Amedeo's, and walked around State campus to show them where I go to school. And in between all that, Naomi and I went to the Register of Deeds' office and got our marriage license! How exciting! I was actually surprised how easy that process was. We were in the office for a grand total of maybe 10 minutes, and walked out with our license. Nice. I love it when government employees are competent and courteous.

I have been writing the last few weeks about a difficult decision Naomi and I have had in our wedding planning, but I didn't give many specifics. Here's the story; not only the problem we were facing, but also how God worked it out. It wasn't in the way that we were expecting, but it was in a way that glorifies Him above all.

When we were considering who to ask to marry us, God laid it on my heart that this was not a decision to be made lightly. We prayed for a long time about who we should ask, and finally made a decision. I spoke with the pastor to whom I felt God was leading, and he said that he would consider it and give us a decision in the next week. God had other plans, however. Due to numerous circumstances, he wasn't able to get back to us for a while, and when he did, he had reservations about being the one to marry us. I explained to him the leading I felt I was receiving from the Lord, and he explained his reservations, and we agreed to pray about it and discuss it again in a few days. I didn't know what to think, but God was very clear to me that I was to wait on Him, and trust in His plan and His timing. It wasn't easy. I wanted to start making alternate plans. I wanted to call up other pastors and see if they would be willing and available to marry us. But the Lord told me to wait.

It was a very difficult time for Naomi and I both. I couldn't see where the Lord was leading. I tried to second-guess Him. I grasped for answers and reasons when He was calling me to wait patiently in obedience to Him. Naomi had to trust that I was being led by the Spirit in this, and that we needed to wait on Him. God was speaking to me through this time, and all she had was the little bit that I was able to explain to her.

To shorten a rather lengthy story, we will be married by a different pastor than the one we had first asked. Looking back, I can see that maybe this was more about God working on me and changing some attitudes I had than it was about who was to marry us. I know that we are following God's will with the pastor who will perform the ceremony. That wasn't the point for Him, though. It was about testing me and teaching me.

Some things I've learned through this:

• When I try to question and understand God's ways, I am not being obedient to Him. Instead, I must humbly follow Him wherever He leads, even if that way doesn't make sense to me. When He speaks, my duty is to obey in faith, and without questioning. (Luke 6:46-49, John 14:23)
  
• God cares more about the means than the end. Sometimes the biggest struggles in life end without a 'fireworks show.' God uses the difficult stuff in life to test our faith in Him, and causes us to grow closer to Him through the experience, not the end result. (James 1:2-5)
• God grants us peace in the face of uncertainty when we trust in Him. Although this was a difficult time, God gave me the grace to trust in Him through all of it. And that peace of knowing that God was in control was what enabled us to praise Him even through the storm. (Philippians 4:6-7)
• When God really comes through for us, our first impulse should to be to share it with everyone! (Mark 5:19-20) This is where this post comes in. I know lots of you have been praying for us, and that's been awesome! God really worked this out! Not in the way we expected, but in His own way and His own timing. It has been an experience that I will not soon forget. He is awesome

In the last few weeks I have been learning how to praise God for the tough times, not just in those times. He teaches us mightily through the trials in our lives. Instead of letting a tough situation draw you away from Him, ask Him for the grace to practice humble obedience to His will. Instead of relying on others for your strength in a bad situation, learn to rely on Him. Instead of wondering why God has placed you where you're at, praise Him for the opportunity to practice your faith. Use those times to draw closer to God, to worship at His feet, and listen for the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to your heart. He will bless you for your faithfulness, and when the hard times pass, you will find yourself in an ever deeper relationship with your Creator and Lord.

God, I praise Your name! I worship and adore You, Lord of my life! You are too wonderful for me to comprehend, too marvelous for words! Father, thank You! Thank You for struggles in life, thank You for being always faithful. Thank You for being there and patiently drawing us closer to Yourself even when it is hard to see that in the midst of of fear and uncertainty. You alone are God, and I will serve You forever. I delight in You, my Savior and my God!

12 days to go... I can't believe this is really happening!

Some days it just strikes me that this is for real... I'm really getting married! God has given me the woman who is absolutely right for me, and I for her, and He has ordained that we get to spend the rest of our lives together. How amazing is that! Even on days like this, it still seems to be some really great dream. It's more real than other days, but it still seems like it's at some distant point in the future. Not less than two weeks away! I suppose it will all finally sink in on our wedding day.

I get to see Naomi and most of my family tomorrow. They're driving up here to visit, so Mom and the kids can see the apartment and school and stuff. Dad will still be in Texas, and Trevor needs to stay in Waxhaw for some other things, but the rest of them will be up. I'm excited!

I was looking through some of my stuff I've saved since PNG this afternoon, and came across one of my journals from Encounter. Encounter was a yearly retreat for high schoolers in Ukarumpa. We would spend three or four days at Summit Interface, a camp owned by New Tribes Mission in the mountains near Goroka, and worship God, learn from a visiting pastor (usually from the States or Australia), and share with each other in small groups. It was a great time of refreshment in the Spirit, but what I remember most is how much of a let-down it was to leave there. It seemed like God was more real when we were at Encounter. Like He wasn't as present in our daily lives in Ukarumpa, when we had the business of school and work and planning for the future.

It's hard to translate a 'spiritual high' into daily living for God. Almost every Christian has probably had at one time or another a very real encounter with God. Whether it was at church, some sort of retreat, in a day spent somewhere quiet just worshiping God, or wherever, we've all had those times. We feel so close to God; nothing can shake our faith, nothing can get in the way of our intense desire to worship and serve Jesus for the rest of our lives. We learn so much from Him during those times, and we feel closer than ever to His glory and majesty.

And then we leave. Sometimes it's not even a conscious change. We just get busy with other things, and while we still read the Bible and pray and sing songs at church, the experience we had fades into the background and we can no longer recall the vigor and intensity of that time with Him. What happened?

I think that we lose the fear of God in those times. We start worrying about the daily pressures we face, and what others think, or what will happen in the future, and we stop focusing on the Almighty God who desires our all. We put Him back into the corner we've cleared out for Him in our lives, and we go about our daily business. I do this all the time. Sometimes I recognize it right away, and sometimes I don't. And it's sin. We know that God desires every facet of our lives. He longs to be in a real relationship with us, not one that just gets attention in between the stuff of our lives. And knowing that, we make a decision instead to worry about the deadline at work, what we're going to cook for dinner, whether we'll have enough money to pay all the bills this month.

So what can we do? What things can we change in our lives to help us keep that relationship with God alive and burning with the heat and intensity of the 'highs?' I think the first and most important thing is to recognize and confess our sin in not putting Jesus at the head of our lives. Pour your heart out to Him. Tell Him that you want Him to be Lord over all of your life. Confess the times when you put other things first. Ask Him for the insight to be able to see the things that cause you to begin falling away from Him. Ask Him for the daily strength and motivation to put Him above all else even when the pressure starts mounting over the other stuff.

Back to my Encounter journal... I found a bit of my notes from one of the messages from Scott Vawser. This was from my junior year, 2001. A few ways that he sees that could help us learn and maintain a fear of the Lord:

• Ask God to teach me. Psalm 86:11 says: "Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." (NIV) God wants our undivided heart, and He knows that we cannot give Him that on our own. Ask Him to change you.
• Be in God's presence. Take time out of your day to spend with Him. Really worship Him. Take in and meditate on God's attributes. Deliberately spend time each and every day alone with Him. Shut out the other distractions. Get away for a few minutes. Be with Him.
• Bring your sin before Him. How many times have I repented and confessed my sin in the last month? Week? Today? Allowing sin to remain in our lives destroys our relationship with God. He knows about it already, but if you don't confess it to Him and ask for His forgiveness, He can't do anything about it.
• Make friends with other people who fear God. How do we choose our friends? Are the people who will encourage us in our walk with Him? Or are they people who try to drag us down to the world's level again? Surround yourself with people who are real in their walk with the Lord. It is great to have unbelievers as friends so that you can witness and minister to them, but the majority of the people you spend time with should be encouraging you to get closer to God, not dragging you away from Him.

Make your daily walk with Him deliberate. Don't assume that you will keep growing closer to Him, or even maintain your relationship with Him, if you don't put the effort into it. If you want to bring that closeness and intimacy with God into your daily life, it will take work. Lots of work. You'll have to reorganize your time, your priorities, and your commitments. You'll have to let some things go. But if you are a Christ-follower, you have no choice. God is not satisfied with a half-hearted commitment. In Revelation 3:15-16, John is recording a prophecy to the church in Laodicea, and he says:

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth." (NIV)

Take the time to evaluate where you are with God. Are you on fire for Him? Or are you just lukewarm? Take a close look at your motivations and desires, and see where God fits in to them. Is He at the top of your list? Do you put in the effort every day to develop your relationship with Him? If not, why not?

Lord, I desire You above all else. Father, You know that I am guilty of putting other things above You in my day-to-day life. Lord, I confess that I don't spend the time I need to in developing my relationship with You. I waste my time pursuing the worthless things of this world. You see the things that I do with my time and You are grieved. I am sorry, Lord, and I ask for Your forgiveness for this sin in my life. On my own strength I cannot truly desire You above all else. I want to, God, but I need Your strength and grace to do it. Please guide me in every minute of every day, and turn me back to You when I start to fall away. Keep the fire burning bright and hot in my soul. Ignite a passion for You, let me pursue Your holiness in my life. This is my desire, to honor You. Lord, with all my heart, I worship You.

A few notes...

It looks like there's lots of first-time visitors in the last few days, so welcome. I try to post at least once a day, and during the week it's usually a longer post about things God's been teaching me or laying on my heart, and on the weekends when I'm down in Waxhaw visiting Naomi and the family it's usually a lot shorter... just a status update, mostly. If you want to check out the last couple of months or years of posts, there's links on the left side partway down the page that have the archived posts. You'll notice that up until July it was kind of sporadic as far as posting goes, but it's been pretty regular since then.
If you have any questions or comments you can feel free to leave a note in the comments section of any of the posts. It's encouraging to get feedback that way, so thanks!
If you want to get regular updates without having to come back to the site every day, there's a section right under the archives section on the left that will let you subscribe to an RSS feed, or you can choose to have updates emailed right to you every day. Pick whichever one works best for you.
Thanks again for reading, and thank you all for your prayers for Naomi and I as we let God work through us to prepare us both for marriage and for a life together with each other.

Anson

13 days... gone

 I got home last night kind of late, but sat down to write something anyway, only to find that my internet wasn't working. The good news was that instead of staying up late writing, I did get a great night sleep! The weekend was good... really good. Naomi and I had lots of good times talking about some of the deeper stuff that sometimes we don't get a chance to. I'll write more later today, but for now I have to get ready and head over to the ROTC unit for a while.

14 days... two weeks!

In two weeks from today I'll be a married man, enjoying my first evening as a husband, with my darling wife, at the Grandover Resort in Greensboro. I can't wait!




This is all you get tonight. Bed time for me.

15 days... sometimes relationships take work

Naomi and I had a sort of difficult evening. Lots of stress for both of us, and more for her than for me. Details about the wedding, stress of getting ready to leave her family and move away, only being able to see each other on the weekends, feeling like we don't have the time to communicate and develop our relationship as much as we would like... it's been tough the last week or so. As we get down to the wire, it gets harder and harder. I need to keep reminding her that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and that we're almost there. Not that everything magically gets better after the wedding, but there will be a LOT of stress reduction. Replaced, I'm sure, by new and different types of stress, but these wedding details have been a constand presence in our lives for what seems like forever now, and it will be nice to have them out of the way.


If you have any words of encouragement for either one of us, and you have a minute, it would be wonderful to hear from you. We would really love to hear it from any of you. In the comments, by email... whatever works for you. Any advice, thoughts, encouragement, warnings, words of wisdom... It would be great to hear right now. We're struggling. We don't want this to be just a 'hanging-on' period in our lives. We want to enjoy this time, and make the most of it. We want God to be glorified through it all. And honestly, it's really hard right now. Thanks...


Father, we need Your help. We need Your loving kindness in our lives. You have blessed us so richly in everything, and we are grateful to You for it all. You know our situation. Nothing that we're going through has taken you by surprise. You have a plan for it all, and You are working in our lives even through the hard times. We can see it, and we praise You for it. Please let us glorify You not just in the good or easy times, but through it all. Lord, protect us from Satan's attacks in our lives. He would love nothing more than to destroy a relationship that is centered around You. He would love to see us turn away from You and turn towards self-interest, or self-sufficiency. Please, please, Lord... We need your strength and grace now. God, show me how to encourage Naomi. I can't do it alone. Sometimes I have nothing left to give. I ask for Your strength so that I can encourage her. I ask for Your words that I may speak love to her even when I'm not feeling it. God, we need You.

16 days... yea for the weekend!

The weekend starts early this week! I'm down in Waxhaw already... got here around 2:00. This afternoon was kind of dis-jointed with a couple of projects I needed to get done around Mom & Dad's house, and then Naomi had Bible study this evening... So it wasn't too easy, and the evening could have ended better.


The closer we get to the wedding the more prayer I feel like I need. I think maybe that's normal. So if you get a few minutes sometime during the day, here's what I'm praying for, if you want to join me. I'd appreciate it.

• That God would continue to give us the grace to keep Him the center of our relationship, that He would be our All.
• That He would continue to guard our hearts and minds in our physical relationship with each other in this season before marriage. (He's been just incredible in this area! This is one of the many areas that we can really see His hand at work in both of us. He's blessed us with with hearts that seek His will in this part of our relationship over our own human desires. Truly a God thing!)
• That I would be deliberate in cultivating our relationship; that I would learn to hear not only to what Naomi says, but what she is feeling and thinking as well. That I would put her desires above my own, and learn how to be a servant to her in everything. That my relationship to her would be modeled after Christ's relationship with the church.

Thank you all so much for your prayers. Some of you have told us that you're praying for us, and that means so much! Thanks!

17 days. Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking... into the future.

For those of you who don't listen to classic rock, the headline of this post is from a song called 'Fly Like An Eagle' by the Steve Miller band. I used to listen to classic rock all the time. On the radio going to and from work, on my MP3 player, on my computer. It was definitely my genre of choice. I think that the reason I liked it more than the alternative/pop/metal/etc that most people my age seem to listen to is due largely to the people I hung around. When I worked at my various construction jobs pre-Navy most of my co-workers were about 20 years older than me. That was the music they had grown up with and listened to all the time. The people I associated with rubbed off on me. If only their choice of music had been all that rubbed off...

The friends I choose have a huge effect on my life. Peer pressure isn't just something that affects teens. It is more overt during those years, and makes a bigger impact on behavior, but it continues on in a more subtle form throughout our lives. The way we talk, the movies we watch, the conversations we have, the things we fill our minds with is affected mightily by those with whom we associate. This is something the Lord has made me accutely aware of in the last year. When I allow my non-Christian friends to influence my choices in life, I am pushing God out. While He doesn't call us to withdraw from the world, He does call us to cut off the the influences and desires of our old sinful nature. John 17:14-18 says:

I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world." (NIV)

Jesus should be our model in this. He lived a life that was very much in the world. He associated with all kinds of people. He didn't shy away from the sinners and unsavory characters in His life. But He kept Himself unstained by them. He didn't let them affect His walk with His Father. This isn't easy. It requires such a close walk with God that we are constantly looking to Him for our guidance and nourishment, and not to those around us. Time after time Jesus withdrew to a quiet place to pray. He needed time alone with God. He needed the refreshing power of the Father to renew His spirit. What makes us different and sets us apart from those who do not follow Christ? Romans 12:2 says:

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..." (NIV)

The 'renewing of our mind' comes from God when He forgives our sins and wipes the slate clean. When we accepted Christ as our Savior, we were born again with renewed minds. But it can't stop there. Every day we are influenced by worldly desires. Even if we keep ourselves away from all others, we still have a sinful nature that tries to corrupt what God has planted in us. Renewing our mind is a daily exercise. A moment-by-moment confession of sin and commitment to follow Christ in all things. Whenever a thought pops into your mind that is not pleasing to Him, recognize it as such and confess it. Ask the Lord to transform you into His image. This is a battle we will fight until we reach heaven.

But it won't make you popular with those still of this world. In John 15:18-19 Jesus says:

"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." (NIV)

A total commitment to God does require you to separate yourself from the world when it comes to desires, actions, and thoughts. People will see that. They'll see that you're different. They'll see that you don't belong to Satan, that you aren't a child of the world. They may not recognize it as such, but they will hate you for it. If everyone you know who is not a child of God loves you and makes you feel like you fit in with them, you are not in God's will. Jesus makes this clear. A life lived for the Lord is a life at odds with the world.

So what's the reward for going through life with the world hating you? Why does it matter? Why not separate our spiritual life from the rest of what we say and do, and try to fit in with the world?

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." - 1 John 2:15-17 (NIV)

That last verse is our hope. '... the man who does the will of God lives forever.' This is the promise of God for those who follow Him. It will not be an easy life here on earth. But the time spent in the human flesh will be over quickly. Eternity awaits. And that is what matters. Is it worth being hated by the world in return for eternity spent with the Father? I think it is.

God, it is so easy to compromise on the little things in order to 'fit in' with the world. There are so many little decisions that seem unimportant, but would make people like us, accept us, and love us. Lord, let me see each of these for what it really is: a turning my back on You in return for the shallow, temporary pleasures of the world. Let me be so caught up in You that I can rejoice in the trials and hardships of life, keeping in mind that we are foreigners and strangers in this world. Let me see how vast and how great and how deep eternity is. Lord, I ask that You would show me the areas of my life where I am pleasing men instead of You. I ask that You would convict me of the ways that I compromise my walk with You in order to be more liked, more accepted, more loved by the world. Father, I would rather be hated by the world than to give up even a small portion of the blessings You promise to those who walk steadfastly in Your ways. Help me to remember this constantly as I make decisions about how I live my life here on earth. May You be glorified in everything I do.

18 days... what am I going to use for headlines once I'm married?

When I sat down to write a post earlier tonight, I had it all mapped out in my head what I was going to write about. I knew what I wanted to say, and how I was going to say it. I had all the points I wanted to cover already laid out. I had scripture in mind to support what I wanted to say, and I thought it was going to be helpful to people.


But you're reading this post instead. Why? All too often in my life I try to get ahead of God. Instead of relying on Him minute-by-minute for everything, I try to plan things out my way. I know what I want, and I know how to get it. I shut Him out. This is the attitude that characterized about five years of my life. I didn't stop believing in God, I just didn't have time for Him. I still prayed sometimes, and read the Bible occasionally, but it was either out of a sense of duty, or else it was in the hope that God would affirm the decisions that I had already made for my life. I made choices based on what I thought was best for me. Sometimes I even told myself that it was what God wanted for me.


Even if the things I plan for my life are done in the best of intentions, it is still wrong to take control of my future out of God's hands. James 4:13-16 says:

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.' (NIV)

This is a sin that I fall into all too often. I make decisions without the leading of the Lord. Sometimes they seem like such small decisions that it doesn't really matter. But every decision I make either brings me closer to God by relying on Him in everything, or it pushes me away from Him by trusting my own sinful nature. God uses even the smallest of decisions in my life to teach me more about Himself.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

The time spent in prayer seeking God's will in each and every decision is what draws us into a deeper relationship with Him. It is a humble reliance on God for everything. Not just the big decision. Not just the things we don't feel like we can handle on our own. We should recognize that we can't make any decisions in our own wisdom and strength.

Paul tells us that 'the peace of God... will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.' This peace comes only when we place all our decisions at the feet of God and humbly wait for His guidance. Decisions made without Him don't bring peace into our lives. They are the source of our anxiety; they distance us from Him.

Sometimes God allows us to make decisions based on the good judgment that He gives us through His Spirit. Sometimes He calls us to wait for divine guidance or intervention. Each decision is different, but we need to present each and every one to Him in prayer. This should not be a burden to us. It should be a joyful experience as we wait on the Lord. Sometimes the answers come right away. Sometimes it takes longer. Often the answer God gives is not what we had hoped for. But if we trust Him with the entirety of our lives, the answers are always the right ones, and that is what matters.

Lord, thank You for not leaving me with the decisions of my life. Thank You for the wisdom that You give us through Your Spirit. Thank You for always listening to our prayers, no matter how small or insignificant they might seem. Lord, let me never rely on my own strength. Let me always seek Your will, and give me the patience and humility to wait for Your response. I pray that in everything I do, say and think about, You would be glorified. Lord, I desire that You be made greater and I be made lesser. Remind me always to seek Your glory in everything, not my own.

wow... less than 20 days to the wedding. 19, to be exact

It's my bedtime. The only reason I'm still up is 'cause I had to run out and buy more coffee so that I can make it through the day tomorrow.


One exam down, one to go. And I am exhausted. School break will be most welcome indeed.

T minus 20, and counting!

Less than three weeks until I'm a married man! Thank you, Lord. I'm so excited! I know I've said it before, but this has been such an incredible experience for me. The things that God has taught me, and has taught Naomi and I as a couple, have been amazing. And this is just the beginning!

Naomi has been a constant source of encouragement to me. These last few weeks have been a bit difficult, and there has been lots of seeking God's will in some decisions about our wedding. To be honest, it has been really tough. I have been in tears before God numerous times. Tears of desperation, tears of repentance, tears of fear and hurt. God was teaching me an awful lot about trusting Him and waiting on Him, even when from a human perspective, that seemed to be a foolish thing to do. Lots of people that I know and respect felt that I should make a decision on my own. They didn't all come out and say it explicitly, but they seemed to think that I was wasting valuable time in putting off this decision until I had clearly heard from the Lord. It was hard, and I came close to doubting that God had a plan for all of this. But He did, and He does, and regardless of what the outcome is, I am so very thankful for the things He has taught me 'the hard way' through all of this.

What I am also so very, very thankful for is the way that Naomi responded to all this. Though I explained to her as best I could how I felt God leading me, she didn't necessarily hear the same things from Him. Looking back, I can see that this might have been a lot more about my relationship with God than it was about a specific decision. But the amazing, awesome part was that she stood by me through it all. Even though she had to listen to people questioning our wisdom and timing even more than I did, she was so very supportive of every decision I made for us. She showed grace to me time and time again. She stood right beside me, content to follow me as I followed God's leading. What an incredible encouragement she is to me! And what a Godly example!

God has given to a husband the responsibility of spiritual leadership, and by His grace He has allowed me to take up that role. To a wife He gives the responsibility of followership and obedience in Christ to her husband, and He has blessed Naomi with the patience and faith to fulfill her role as well. Praise be to our Almighty Savior! I cannot wait to marry this girl!


Lord, thank You so very, very much for the struggles You place in our lives. There are so many opportunities to grow closer to You through the hard times. Thank You for blessing me with a fiancee who is faithful to You, who loves You with all her heart, who strives to serve You as her Lord and Master. I couldn't ask for a better woman to spend the rest of my life with! You have blessed us so richly, Father!

Questions to ask myself daily

My beautiful fiancée sent me this list of questions. She has them in her Bible where she sees them each and every day. What a wonderful reminder to daily be seeking God. It is easy to go through a whole day and not put any work into my relationship with the Lord. Like any other relationship, our relationship with Christ is a work-in-progress. It takes effort, sacrifice, and a desire to grow closer to Him. While there is no 'magic formula' for a God-centered life, little reminders like this one go a long way towards focusing our attention and efforts at relationship-building.

• What experiences of prayer and meditation have I had this week (or today)?
• What temptations did I face?
  
• What movements of the Holy Spirit have I experienced?
  
• What opportunities to serve others have I had?
  
• In what ways have I encountered Christ in my study of the Bible?

A few pictures from the drive home yesterday

Isn't God an awesome artist?

Day 21... and I'm starting to run out of good headline ideas

I'm back up in Raleigh... just got back in. It was a great drive up, and I spent most of the time listening to Geoff Snook preach at Southport Church of Christ. Podcasts are wonderful things. I usually don't get much time to listen to all the podcasts I would like to, but 3-hour car trips provide plenty of time.


It amazes me how when God is trying to make a point or to teach me something, He comes at it from all angles sometimes. It seems that every passage from Scripture, every devotional book, every song I hear, every sermon I listen to over the course of the past couple of weeks has been directly related to this issue of waiting on the Lord and making wise decisions that please Him and trusting in Him when things don't seem to be working out. It's been awesome, tough, and a real growing time in my life. Thanks to everyone who's been praying about this decision with us.


These weekends aren't the best for blogging. I have to be up at 5:00AM for some ROTC stuff in the morning, so I'm off to bed now. More later.

Day 22... the weekend is finally here.

Two more weekends after this one! This one will be short, which is kind of a bummer, but Naomi will probably get a chance to come up and visit on Tuesday next week with some of my family who are going to make a day trip up to see our apartment and such. Since they'll be out in Texas soon after the wedding, they won't get much of a chance to come up and visit us in Raleigh, so they're coming to at least check the place out before then. I'm looking forward to being able to show them around, if it works out for them to come up.


I got a chance to listen to one of pastor Sean Cordell's sermons on the trip down here. Naomi and I feel God is calling us join the body of believers at Treasuring Christ Church in Raleigh, and while we haven't had too many Sundays actually spent in Raleigh yet, I have been able to hear all the sermons for the last three months, thanks to their podcast. One of the upsides of seven hours driving time each weekend is plenty of free time to listen to the podcasts I never seem to have time to listen to during the week.


Anyway, this last week has been a growing time for me as God has been teaching me in a really hands-on and practical way to wait on Him timing, to be obedient to Him when He says wait, and to make prayer a real two-sided relationship with Him. He's taught me so much about communing with Him through prayer and meditation. And the sermon I listened to on the way down really reinforced a lot of those very same things. Neat how God works stuff like that out. Seems like almost everything I've read or listened to this week has been about the very things God has brought up in my life recently. What an amazing, all-powerful God we serve.


It's almost midnight, and the battery on my laptop is running low. I thought I could use Tim's power cord to recharge, so I didn't bring mine down, to save a bit of space packing. A good idea in theory, since we both have MacBooks, but in practice, Tim happens to be out for the night at a friend's house, and he has his computer and power cord with him. So no late-night writing session for me tonight. Probably just as well, anyway. I could use the sleep.


Thank You, Father, for the things you teach me each and every day. Thank You for the way You use other people and circumstances in my life to reinforce the things that You've been teaching me, and to make me ponder the things in life that seem so difficult some times. You have brought me to a point where I can truly say thank You for the hard times in my life. I love You, Lord, and I would rather a lifetime of difficulty with You than a day of pleasure and comfort apart from You. Thank You, thank You, thank You. You are my God, my Savior, my Friend. And I desire to do Your will. Lead me in Your will so that You get all the glory.

Day 23... and my head is spinning

It's only 10:00, and my brain is already fried. I spent the last five hours on homework and studying for my chemistry class. I've had it! This semester is almost over. One more day of classes and then two days of finals. I can't wait. I'm really looking forward to my fall classes, which start on the 20th. I'm taking:

Chemistry 201
Intro to Engineering
Calculus II
Calculus-based Physics for Engineers
and the fun one, Structural Properties of Engineering Materials

It seems like a pretty full load, but I'm taking two of the classes online, so it shouldn't be that much time spent at school. Great for starting out married life! Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to tear myself away from spending time with my wife to get all my homework done each week.

God is so amazing. I've been praying since before Naomi and I got engaged that He would grow me into this new leadership role of being a husband. Honestly, I was scared at first. I knew He would provide, but I felt so... inadequate. And He has shown me time and time again since then that I am exactly that... inadequate to do any good work. I am a sinful man, and as much as I desire to be holy, that isn't possible while I'm still in this human body. That doesn't negate the call or responsibility to be holy, however. Hebrews 12:14 even says that

"... without holiness no one will see the Lord." (NIV)

We are called over and over again in the Word to pursue holiness while we are still here on earth. (1 Peter 1:15-16, 1 Peter 2:9, Ephesians 5:27, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-12)

So what are we to do? The truth is that without God, we have no hope; but through the power of the blood that Christ shed for us on the cross we can be redeemed from our sin. It is daily living in Christ that sets us apart from the world. It is because Christ has called us, and He sacrificed Himself in order to take the punishment for our sin.

"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

- 1 Corinthians 1:26-30 (NIV), emphasis added

I can definitely identify with that passage. That's how I feel every day. When God called me, I was in a bad place in life. I was one of the foolish ones that Paul talks about here. The lowly, the sinful, the weak one. Why would God choose me to be his adopted son? Why would He even think about allowing His Son to be crucified for my sins? And yet He did.

This is a huge call to action. There is no place in my life for sitting back and being content in who I am. It is true that Christ died to set us free from sin. Galatians 1:5 says:

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (NIV)

But that's not the whole story. Freedom from sin through the redemptive power of Christ does not give me license to continue on the path I was following before I was called by Him. There needs to be a complete shift of priorities, a radical change in my life. A few verses later, Paul goes on to say:

"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature..." -Galatians 5:13 (NIV)

It is for freedom that Christ set us free. But it is freedom in Him. It is freedom that is only found by living every minute of my life in full devotion to Him, serving Him with all I've got, and being in such a close relationship with Jesus that everything I do and say and think about is filtered through a heart that yearns to know Him more. This is not a freedom to do what my sinful human nature wants. It is a freedom from what that nature wants.

So, what does all this mean? How do we live this life we've been called to lead?

 "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law" -Galatians 5:16-18 (NIV

It is life through God's Holy Spirit. It committing my life each and every day to Him. It is being so caught up in His presence that all the pleasures of the world seem to fade. It is putting Him first in my daily activities. Spending quality time reading His Word, praying, meditating on the things He has shown and taught me, praising and worshiping Him. It isn't easy. It takes a lot of work. It's easier to read email and check Facebook for an hour than to sit down and read the Bible for 20 minutes. It's easier to get caught up in school deadlines and wedding planning than to spend time confessing my sins to God and asking Him for wisdom and guidance. It's easier to talk on the phone or chat on Skype than to rest quietly in the abiding presence of our Maker.

It takes work. It takes His strength and grace to make these things a daily habit. But I have been so incredibly, wonderfully blessed by Him from those times. The things He has shown me, the peace and comfort in difficult times, the wisdom and grace to make the right decisions in times of stress... Make Him your priority. Not just for ten minutes out of your busy day. For the whole day. For each and every minute that you are awake. It takes practice, dedication, and most of all, His help. It will take me a lifetime to figure this out, to make this a moment-by-moment relationship with God. But from what I've experienced so far, it is so amazingly worth it.

Lord, thank You for calling me, for drawing me to Your side, and for not letting me go. Thank You for Your call to holiness. Thank You for not letting us be content to be mediocre Christ-followers. Thank You for Your amazing power at work within us that allows us to serve and follow You. Lord, I praise You for the awesome things you have done in changing my life and giving me a purpose to fulfill. I want to serve and follow You for all of my days, Jesus. You are my all in all.  I want to know You more and more every day. Lord, take my life and lead me on in Your perfect will. I love you, Father.

And day 24 slipped right past without so much as a blog headline...

... so even though it's day 23 now, I felt like I needed to fit day 24 into a post somehow before I moved on. I had grand intentions of posting last night after I finished my economics take-home test, got back from small group, did my chemistry homework, and said goodnight to Naomi... but... I crashed instead. Wednesdays aren't easy, as I have to get up early for ROTC stuff and I'm out late 'cause of small group stuff.

My Utmost for His Highest

I have been incredibly blessed recently through Oswald Chambers' wisdom and insight in his daily devotional book "My Utmost for His Highest." God has used it to teach me things that always seem highly relevant to situations I find myself in. I was given a copy of the book when I graduated from Ukarumpa International School six years ago, and for a long time it sat on my bookshelf, untouched. I started reading it a few years ago, and while it was helpful, the language was a bit outdated and it made the reading more of a chore than a blessing. This spring I was looking online for a copy to buy for Naomi, and came across the book in an updated edition. What a gift for teaching God gave to this man! Each day's reading is short, but packed with wisdom about God and His relationship with us. There is always an immediate application to my life, and after the Bible, this book has had the most impact on my life as a Christ-follower. Don't want to buy the book? There is an online version with the current day's reading on the RBC website, and an archive of the year's lessons at Oswald Chamers: My Utmost for His Highest.

Thank you, God, for the wisdom that you give to men and women who teach us throughout our lives. Whether it is the pastor at our church, a mentor who you've placed in our lives, or the author of a book, you have ordained certain people to be teachers and leaders, to help us grow, and to point the way towards the incredible gift you've given us in Christ. Thank you for Your Word, the ultimate guide to living a life centered around You. Let me seek every day to draw ever closer to You, and to keep You as the focus, center, and All of my life. You are awesome, God!

What do I write about?

Thanks to Geoff for pointing out wordle.net and a new way to see what I blog about. I kinda already knew I blogged about God a lot, but this just confirms it. Now if only it was as easy to talk to the people in my every day life about Him... But God is faithful, and He's been leading and growing me in this area of my life, too. One day at a time.

New food of the week

When I was home last weekend, I picked up and glanced through a book Mom's been reading. It's called "The Maker's Diet", and it's about eating the way God intended for us to eat. I haven't read the whole thing, so I can't recommend anything for or against the book, but I did read a chapter in it where the author, Jordan Rubin, highly recommends drinking kefir, a fermented dairy product that originated in the Caucasus region.

I probably would have never thought about it again, except that when I was out food shopping tonight I happened to see it in the dairy aisle. So in the interest of expanding my culinary horizons, I picked up a bottle.

The best way to describe it is probably as a cross between yogurt and buttermilk, but with the consistency of a milk-shake. It doesn't taste 'bad', but I'm guessing that it is probably an acquired taste. I'll definitely finish the bottle, but even if I loved it, I don't think I could stomach the price tag ($4.39 for a 32 oz. bottle) to make a habit of it.

Interesting, nevertheless, and supposedly very good for the digestive system. I think that I'll stick to some good old-fashioned yogurt, though.

25 days... some tangible progress towards a two-person apartment

One of the things we were able to do last weekend was get a lot of Naomi's stuff moved up here to Raleigh. She's been working hard getting everything in boxes and ready to go. It seems like almost every evening for the last few weeks she's been sorting and packing, trying to figure out what she won't need for a few weeks. It's really neat for me to be able to see the apartment slowly fill up with stuff that's not mine. It makes this getting married thing seem that much more real. And I love it!

Transitioning to a shared apartment is going to take some getting used to. Right now, I'm mostly just excited about being married and I can't wait to share my life with my beautiful bride-to-be. But realistically, I know that it will have its ups and downs for both of us. It will be a new experience sharing everything, and in such close proximity. I'm praying for God's grace as we learn how to handle this upcoming season of our lives... the newlywed stage. But I know that as long as we keep God the sole focus of our relationship, He will take care of everything else. He promises it throughout the Bible (see Romans 8:28 for one example). That doesn't mean that things will be fine and dandy all the time, or that there won't be struggles and hard times. But what it does mean is that everything that happens when we are in God's will is for a purpose. His purpose. And that purpose ultimately works for our good. Not necessarily for our comfort or our joy in this lifetime, but for our good.

If it means that He puts a difficult situation in our lives, it isn't to discourage us or kill our joy and hope. It is an opportunity to persevere in faith under trial. If it means that we go through periods in a relationship with God or with a friend/spouse/relative that seems dry, discouraging, or painful then He is teaching us to rely solely on Him for our every comfort and need. If it is a sin that we see recurring over and over in our lives despite our best intentions to act otherwise, then He is teaching us that in ourselves we can do nothing good, but that His grace is sufficient. If it is fear, then He teaches us to look to the One who casts out fear and darkness.

One thing I've learned in the past year is that God has a plan for every struggle that we see in our lives. Hard times don't happen at random. When we follow Christ, He is not content to leave us where He found us. We came to Him steeped in sin; we were living for the world and for men, not for the Lord. He refuses to let us make a decision to follow Him and then stop short at the first sign of struggle. When I feel the world start to pull me back into old habits or thoughts, I can feel Jesus pulling me ever closer to Him. And it's messy sometimes. It hurts. And it should. Sin doesn't let go easily. It's like surgery. Lots of blood and open cuts and removing the cancer so that the body can continue to live and grow.

When Jesus is talking to Nicodemus in John 3:1-21, He uses the analogy that believing in Christ is like being born again. And at the beginning, it is. God gives us a wonderful gift of forgiving our past sins and cleansing us from all our unrighteousness. It is a rebirth into the kingdom of God. But that is just the beginning. Matthew 16:24-25 says:

"...If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." (NIV)

Denying myself the pleasures of the world and 'taking up my cross' should be my daily work as a believer in Christ. It's a daily, bloody battle against Satan and his lies. But even what Satan means for evil, God uses for good. When we have the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives teaching, correcting, rebuking and training us in righteousness, the temptations and trials of the devil turn into an opportunity to grow closer to the Lord.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4, NIV)

What a wonderful, merciful, gracious God that desires a relationship with me, in spite of my sinful nature, choosing instead to see in me the righteousness gained from Christ's death on the cross. A God that doesn't let go, that doesn't give up, and gives me the strength to follow Him even through the hard times.

Lord, thank You for the things You teach me every day about Your purpose for my life. Even when I can't see the outcome of the things I am going through, I can say with utmost certainty that it is for Your glory and praise. Thank you for being in control of everything, Father. Thank You for not being content to leave me where You found me, even when that means pain and hurt in my life. Thank You for leading me ever onwards, for forgiving my sins when I confess them to You, and for cleansing me from my unrighteousness. Thank you for sending Christ to die for me so that I might live through Him for Your glory. Use me, Lord.

26 days.

I really do want to write about the weekend sometime... just not tonight. I am too tired and can't think straight. I got the Suburban mostly unloaded this afternoon, and that pretty much wore me out. It's pretty hot out there, and that was a lot of trips from the parking lot to a second-floor apartment. I spent the last couple hours working on chemistry homework and then chatting with Naomi for a bit, and now I'm going to bed. More tomorrow, hopefully.

In the mean time... I was recently trying to find a list entitled 'Seven Simple Prayers' that I had a long time ago and wanted to re-read. It was really encouraging to me the first time, and helped to guide my prayer times. I couldn't find the paper in my files anywhere, so I did a quick google search, and... surprise, surprise... I had blogged about it two years ago, and this site was the top hit. Don't know why I completely didn't remember that. Getting old, I guess. Anyway, since some of you current readers probably missed it the first time, here it is:

Life in this World: Seven Simple Prayers

Oh, almost forgot... for anyone who doesn't use a feed reader and doesn't want to check every day to see if I've written anything, you can subscribe by email. Just another option because I knew some people wanted it. There's a link on the left.

sigh... sometimes 27 days seems like so long...

... But the good news is that God is still sovereign, and not only that, but He has a perfect plan for each of us, and right now that includes Naomi and I enjoying and growing in our time of 'apartness.' God has truly, amazingly done some incredible things in this time. It's not easy, but then when did God promise that following Him would be easy?


It's after midnight, and I just got back home a little bit ago. Mom and Dad let us use their Suburban to haul a bunch of stuff up here this weekend, and that was awesome. We were starting to look at having to rent a U-Haul to get some of Naomi's stuff up here, and this was really a blessing. We should be able to get the rest of her stuff up here in my truck over the next few weekends. Thanks Mom and Dad!


Lots of great God work in our lives again. I keep saying that, and it's true every time. Over and over we're both amazed at how God uses a not-so-fun circumstance to teach us about Him, and to draw us ever closer to His side. It's amazing. There's been so many 'wow!' moments lately. I can't say enough about how amazing and awesome it is to be living inside of God's will! It may have to wait for later this week, though. Right now I need some sleep. Thanks to all of you for your prayers. The support we get everyone is great, and we couldn't make it without y'all. God uses people in so many ways. So thanks!

Lord, I stand in awe of You. You are the only one who satisfies our needs and desires. Every good thing in our lives comes directly from You. You are amazing, incredible, faithful, loving, awesome! Thank you for calling us to You. Thank you for your faithfulness to us. Thank you for Your spirit in our lives to guide and direct our every thought and action. You are amazing, God. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!

28 days... three saturdays left

Three Saturdays left of being a bachelor! And I'm ready for that! Nine months or a year ago, had you asked me, I wouldn't not have said I was ready to be married. Both for the fact that I felt there were still things I wanted to 'accomplish' as a single guy, and that I felt physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally unread to be seriously thinking about marriage. Now there has been nothing that I've physically changed about myself, but God has done great work in me and through me, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that in four weeks from now when I pledge before Him to take Naomi as my wife and to love her forever, that He will have me in a place where I can truly and honestly say those words to her, and through His power, keep that promise to her and to the Lord.


There is nothing that compares to serving the Lord. Nothing compares to the riches of His love. But even in the hard times, even when to us as imperfect humans the 'fountains of blessings' may seem a litte dry, He is still worthy of all our praise.


I have more to write about, but I think that like last weekend, it'll have to wait 'till I'm back up in Raleigh. I just seem to have way too much to keep me busy during the waking hours when I'm down here. :)

29 days, and I am so blessed...

Thank You, God, for weekends that I can see my girl!

I'm down in Waxhaw for the weekend. It's always so wonderful to be able to actually see and touch my gorgeous fiancee after a week of just talking on the phone and Skype. Everything we meant to say with our body language or expressions that got lost on the phone, every conversation where we couldn't seem to communicate like we wanted to, every night of just wishing that I could see her beautiful smiling face... it all seems OK on the weekends. It all fades into the background and just isn't as important now.

The drive down was awesome. Usually I hate driving, and that hasn't really changed, but I had a really intense, passionate, worshipful time spent with God this time. He showed me something that I knew as 'head knowledge' but haven't experienced as a 'heart truth.'
He showed me His holiness. The vast gulf that stands between sinful humans and a Perfect God is incredible. It's uncrossable by us. As the song says 'You are God in heaven, and here am I on earth. So I'll let my words be few...' God gave me just a glimpse of what His holiness means and how very, very far my sin separates me from Him. I felt unworthy of His attention. Small, ashamed, hiding my face.

And then He reached out to me. He didn't look the other way from my sin. He didn't pretend it wasn't sin, or that it didn't matter. He saw it, but what He saw was my sin on the shoulders of Jesus. He saw everything I've done as if it were Christ who had done those things. The one who knew no sin. Who never so much as even talked back to His parents. And when God saw that, He was satisfied. Christ already paid the punishment for those sins. He already died a horrible death with my sins weighing Him down. He was buried with my sins separating Him from the face of God. The one who once knew perfect communion with His Father, now torn apart from Him. His Father refusing to look at Him, unable to see Him in the sin that He carried.
My sin.
He did that for me. Why? I can't comprehend that. I am stunned, overwhelmed, flat on my face crying out 'Why, God? Why? Why would you do that for me?'

And when Christ conquered death, and rose from the grave, my sin was gone. It had been paid for. The sacrifice that God demanded as an atonement for my sin had been offered, and accepted. 'Oh, Lord, what love is this? That gave so freely; that I, the guilty one, may go free?' Tears streaming down my face, convicted over and over by sin in my life. Every careless word, every opportunity to share His love that I didn't take because I was scared of what people thought of me, every chance to encourage someone where I had a sarcastic remark instead. My anger that boils up when someone cuts me off in traffic, when something doesn't go the way I had so carefully planned...

I am so amazed every time God chooses to reveal something about Himself to me. It is incredible, and life changing. Each and every time. This afternoon was one of those times.


Father, I fall down at your feet in worship and adoration. You are awesome and mighty in your power and your holiness. There is nothing on earth or in the heavens that can compare with You. You are unsurpassed by any of your creation. There is none like you, my God and my King. My Lord, You alone are worthy of my praise and You alone are exalted above all things. I worship You.