11 days and counting... time is flying by

Today was awesome! Naomi, Mom, and the kids came up to visit from Waxhaw. I got to show them the apartment (except for Naomi, who isn't allowed to see the changes I've made for another 11 days), we went out for lunch at a great pizza place called Amedeo's, and walked around State campus to show them where I go to school. And in between all that, Naomi and I went to the Register of Deeds' office and got our marriage license! How exciting! I was actually surprised how easy that process was. We were in the office for a grand total of maybe 10 minutes, and walked out with our license. Nice. I love it when government employees are competent and courteous.

I have been writing the last few weeks about a difficult decision Naomi and I have had in our wedding planning, but I didn't give many specifics. Here's the story; not only the problem we were facing, but also how God worked it out. It wasn't in the way that we were expecting, but it was in a way that glorifies Him above all.

When we were considering who to ask to marry us, God laid it on my heart that this was not a decision to be made lightly. We prayed for a long time about who we should ask, and finally made a decision. I spoke with the pastor to whom I felt God was leading, and he said that he would consider it and give us a decision in the next week. God had other plans, however. Due to numerous circumstances, he wasn't able to get back to us for a while, and when he did, he had reservations about being the one to marry us. I explained to him the leading I felt I was receiving from the Lord, and he explained his reservations, and we agreed to pray about it and discuss it again in a few days. I didn't know what to think, but God was very clear to me that I was to wait on Him, and trust in His plan and His timing. It wasn't easy. I wanted to start making alternate plans. I wanted to call up other pastors and see if they would be willing and available to marry us. But the Lord told me to wait.

It was a very difficult time for Naomi and I both. I couldn't see where the Lord was leading. I tried to second-guess Him. I grasped for answers and reasons when He was calling me to wait patiently in obedience to Him. Naomi had to trust that I was being led by the Spirit in this, and that we needed to wait on Him. God was speaking to me through this time, and all she had was the little bit that I was able to explain to her.

To shorten a rather lengthy story, we will be married by a different pastor than the one we had first asked. Looking back, I can see that maybe this was more about God working on me and changing some attitudes I had than it was about who was to marry us. I know that we are following God's will with the pastor who will perform the ceremony. That wasn't the point for Him, though. It was about testing me and teaching me.

Some things I've learned through this:

• When I try to question and understand God's ways, I am not being obedient to Him. Instead, I must humbly follow Him wherever He leads, even if that way doesn't make sense to me. When He speaks, my duty is to obey in faith, and without questioning. (Luke 6:46-49, John 14:23)
  
• God cares more about the means than the end. Sometimes the biggest struggles in life end without a 'fireworks show.' God uses the difficult stuff in life to test our faith in Him, and causes us to grow closer to Him through the experience, not the end result. (James 1:2-5)
• God grants us peace in the face of uncertainty when we trust in Him. Although this was a difficult time, God gave me the grace to trust in Him through all of it. And that peace of knowing that God was in control was what enabled us to praise Him even through the storm. (Philippians 4:6-7)
• When God really comes through for us, our first impulse should to be to share it with everyone! (Mark 5:19-20) This is where this post comes in. I know lots of you have been praying for us, and that's been awesome! God really worked this out! Not in the way we expected, but in His own way and His own timing. It has been an experience that I will not soon forget. He is awesome

In the last few weeks I have been learning how to praise God for the tough times, not just in those times. He teaches us mightily through the trials in our lives. Instead of letting a tough situation draw you away from Him, ask Him for the grace to practice humble obedience to His will. Instead of relying on others for your strength in a bad situation, learn to rely on Him. Instead of wondering why God has placed you where you're at, praise Him for the opportunity to practice your faith. Use those times to draw closer to God, to worship at His feet, and listen for the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to your heart. He will bless you for your faithfulness, and when the hard times pass, you will find yourself in an ever deeper relationship with your Creator and Lord.

God, I praise Your name! I worship and adore You, Lord of my life! You are too wonderful for me to comprehend, too marvelous for words! Father, thank You! Thank You for struggles in life, thank You for being always faithful. Thank You for being there and patiently drawing us closer to Yourself even when it is hard to see that in the midst of of fear and uncertainty. You alone are God, and I will serve You forever. I delight in You, my Savior and my God!

18 days... what am I going to use for headlines once I'm married?

When I sat down to write a post earlier tonight, I had it all mapped out in my head what I was going to write about. I knew what I wanted to say, and how I was going to say it. I had all the points I wanted to cover already laid out. I had scripture in mind to support what I wanted to say, and I thought it was going to be helpful to people.


But you're reading this post instead. Why? All too often in my life I try to get ahead of God. Instead of relying on Him minute-by-minute for everything, I try to plan things out my way. I know what I want, and I know how to get it. I shut Him out. This is the attitude that characterized about five years of my life. I didn't stop believing in God, I just didn't have time for Him. I still prayed sometimes, and read the Bible occasionally, but it was either out of a sense of duty, or else it was in the hope that God would affirm the decisions that I had already made for my life. I made choices based on what I thought was best for me. Sometimes I even told myself that it was what God wanted for me.


Even if the things I plan for my life are done in the best of intentions, it is still wrong to take control of my future out of God's hands. James 4:13-16 says:

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.' (NIV)

This is a sin that I fall into all too often. I make decisions without the leading of the Lord. Sometimes they seem like such small decisions that it doesn't really matter. But every decision I make either brings me closer to God by relying on Him in everything, or it pushes me away from Him by trusting my own sinful nature. God uses even the smallest of decisions in my life to teach me more about Himself.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

The time spent in prayer seeking God's will in each and every decision is what draws us into a deeper relationship with Him. It is a humble reliance on God for everything. Not just the big decision. Not just the things we don't feel like we can handle on our own. We should recognize that we can't make any decisions in our own wisdom and strength.

Paul tells us that 'the peace of God... will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.' This peace comes only when we place all our decisions at the feet of God and humbly wait for His guidance. Decisions made without Him don't bring peace into our lives. They are the source of our anxiety; they distance us from Him.

Sometimes God allows us to make decisions based on the good judgment that He gives us through His Spirit. Sometimes He calls us to wait for divine guidance or intervention. Each decision is different, but we need to present each and every one to Him in prayer. This should not be a burden to us. It should be a joyful experience as we wait on the Lord. Sometimes the answers come right away. Sometimes it takes longer. Often the answer God gives is not what we had hoped for. But if we trust Him with the entirety of our lives, the answers are always the right ones, and that is what matters.

Lord, thank You for not leaving me with the decisions of my life. Thank You for the wisdom that You give us through Your Spirit. Thank You for always listening to our prayers, no matter how small or insignificant they might seem. Lord, let me never rely on my own strength. Let me always seek Your will, and give me the patience and humility to wait for Your response. I pray that in everything I do, say and think about, You would be glorified. Lord, I desire that You be made greater and I be made lesser. Remind me always to seek Your glory in everything, not my own.