... But the good news is that God is still sovereign, and not only that, but He has a perfect plan for each of us, and right now that includes Naomi and I enjoying and growing in our time of 'apartness.' God has truly, amazingly done some incredible things in this time. It's not easy, but then when did God promise that following Him would be easy?
It's after midnight, and I just got back home a little bit ago. Mom and Dad let us use their Suburban to haul a bunch of stuff up here this weekend, and that was awesome. We were starting to look at having to rent a U-Haul to get some of Naomi's stuff up here, and this was really a blessing. We should be able to get the rest of her stuff up here in my truck over the next few weekends. Thanks Mom and Dad!
Lots of great God work in our lives again. I keep saying that, and it's true every time. Over and over we're both amazed at how God uses a not-so-fun circumstance to teach us about Him, and to draw us ever closer to His side. It's amazing. There's been so many 'wow!' moments lately. I can't say enough about how amazing and awesome it is to be living inside of God's will! It may have to wait for later this week, though. Right now I need some sleep. Thanks to all of you for your prayers. The support we get everyone is great, and we couldn't make it without y'all. God uses people in so many ways. So thanks!
Lord, I stand in awe of You. You are the only one who satisfies our needs and desires. Every good thing in our lives comes directly from You. You are amazing, incredible, faithful, loving, awesome! Thank you for calling us to You. Thank you for your faithfulness to us. Thank you for Your spirit in our lives to guide and direct our every thought and action. You are amazing, God. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
Monday, August 04, 2008
Saturday, August 02, 2008
28 days... three saturdays left
Three Saturdays left of being a bachelor! And I'm ready for that! Nine months or a year ago, had you asked me, I wouldn't not have said I was ready to be married. Both for the fact that I felt there were still things I wanted to 'accomplish' as a single guy, and that I felt physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally unread to be seriously thinking about marriage. Now there has been nothing that I've physically changed about myself, but God has done great work in me and through me, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that in four weeks from now when I pledge before Him to take Naomi as my wife and to love her forever, that He will have me in a place where I can truly and honestly say those words to her, and through His power, keep that promise to her and to the Lord.
There is nothing that compares to serving the Lord. Nothing compares to the riches of His love. But even in the hard times, even when to us as imperfect humans the 'fountains of blessings' may seem a litte dry, He is still worthy of all our praise.
I have more to write about, but I think that like last weekend, it'll have to wait 'till I'm back up in Raleigh. I just seem to have way too much to keep me busy during the waking hours when I'm down here. :)
There is nothing that compares to serving the Lord. Nothing compares to the riches of His love. But even in the hard times, even when to us as imperfect humans the 'fountains of blessings' may seem a litte dry, He is still worthy of all our praise.
I have more to write about, but I think that like last weekend, it'll have to wait 'till I'm back up in Raleigh. I just seem to have way too much to keep me busy during the waking hours when I'm down here. :)
Friday, August 01, 2008
29 days, and I am so blessed...
Thank You, God, for weekends that I can see my girl!
I'm down in Waxhaw for the weekend. It's always so wonderful to be able to actually see and touch my gorgeous fiancee after a week of just talking on the phone and Skype. Everything we meant to say with our body language or expressions that got lost on the phone, every conversation where we couldn't seem to communicate like we wanted to, every night of just wishing that I could see her beautiful smiling face... it all seems OK on the weekends. It all fades into the background and just isn't as important now.
The drive down was awesome. Usually I hate driving, and that hasn't really changed, but I had a really intense, passionate, worshipful time spent with God this time. He showed me something that I knew as 'head knowledge' but haven't experienced as a 'heart truth.'
He showed me His holiness. The vast gulf that stands between sinful humans and a Perfect God is incredible. It's uncrossable by us. As the song says 'You are God in heaven, and here am I on earth. So I'll let my words be few...' God gave me just a glimpse of what His holiness means and how very, very far my sin separates me from Him. I felt unworthy of His attention. Small, ashamed, hiding my face.
And then He reached out to me. He didn't look the other way from my sin. He didn't pretend it wasn't sin, or that it didn't matter. He saw it, but what He saw was my sin on the shoulders of Jesus. He saw everything I've done as if it were Christ who had done those things. The one who knew no sin. Who never so much as even talked back to His parents. And when God saw that, He was satisfied. Christ already paid the punishment for those sins. He already died a horrible death with my sins weighing Him down. He was buried with my sins separating Him from the face of God. The one who once knew perfect communion with His Father, now torn apart from Him. His Father refusing to look at Him, unable to see Him in the sin that He carried.
My sin.
He did that for me. Why? I can't comprehend that. I am stunned, overwhelmed, flat on my face crying out 'Why, God? Why? Why would you do that for me?'
And when Christ conquered death, and rose from the grave, my sin was gone. It had been paid for. The sacrifice that God demanded as an atonement for my sin had been offered, and accepted. 'Oh, Lord, what love is this? That gave so freely; that I, the guilty one, may go free?' Tears streaming down my face, convicted over and over by sin in my life. Every careless word, every opportunity to share His love that I didn't take because I was scared of what people thought of me, every chance to encourage someone where I had a sarcastic remark instead. My anger that boils up when someone cuts me off in traffic, when something doesn't go the way I had so carefully planned...
I am so amazed every time God chooses to reveal something about Himself to me. It is incredible, and life changing. Each and every time. This afternoon was one of those times.
Father, I fall down at your feet in worship and adoration. You are awesome and mighty in your power and your holiness. There is nothing on earth or in the heavens that can compare with You. You are unsurpassed by any of your creation. There is none like you, my God and my King. My Lord, You alone are worthy of my praise and You alone are exalted above all things. I worship You.
I'm down in Waxhaw for the weekend. It's always so wonderful to be able to actually see and touch my gorgeous fiancee after a week of just talking on the phone and Skype. Everything we meant to say with our body language or expressions that got lost on the phone, every conversation where we couldn't seem to communicate like we wanted to, every night of just wishing that I could see her beautiful smiling face... it all seems OK on the weekends. It all fades into the background and just isn't as important now.
The drive down was awesome. Usually I hate driving, and that hasn't really changed, but I had a really intense, passionate, worshipful time spent with God this time. He showed me something that I knew as 'head knowledge' but haven't experienced as a 'heart truth.'
He showed me His holiness. The vast gulf that stands between sinful humans and a Perfect God is incredible. It's uncrossable by us. As the song says 'You are God in heaven, and here am I on earth. So I'll let my words be few...' God gave me just a glimpse of what His holiness means and how very, very far my sin separates me from Him. I felt unworthy of His attention. Small, ashamed, hiding my face.
And then He reached out to me. He didn't look the other way from my sin. He didn't pretend it wasn't sin, or that it didn't matter. He saw it, but what He saw was my sin on the shoulders of Jesus. He saw everything I've done as if it were Christ who had done those things. The one who knew no sin. Who never so much as even talked back to His parents. And when God saw that, He was satisfied. Christ already paid the punishment for those sins. He already died a horrible death with my sins weighing Him down. He was buried with my sins separating Him from the face of God. The one who once knew perfect communion with His Father, now torn apart from Him. His Father refusing to look at Him, unable to see Him in the sin that He carried.
My sin.
He did that for me. Why? I can't comprehend that. I am stunned, overwhelmed, flat on my face crying out 'Why, God? Why? Why would you do that for me?'
And when Christ conquered death, and rose from the grave, my sin was gone. It had been paid for. The sacrifice that God demanded as an atonement for my sin had been offered, and accepted. 'Oh, Lord, what love is this? That gave so freely; that I, the guilty one, may go free?' Tears streaming down my face, convicted over and over by sin in my life. Every careless word, every opportunity to share His love that I didn't take because I was scared of what people thought of me, every chance to encourage someone where I had a sarcastic remark instead. My anger that boils up when someone cuts me off in traffic, when something doesn't go the way I had so carefully planned...
I am so amazed every time God chooses to reveal something about Himself to me. It is incredible, and life changing. Each and every time. This afternoon was one of those times.
Father, I fall down at your feet in worship and adoration. You are awesome and mighty in your power and your holiness. There is nothing on earth or in the heavens that can compare with You. You are unsurpassed by any of your creation. There is none like you, my God and my King. My Lord, You alone are worthy of my praise and You alone are exalted above all things. I worship You.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
survey says... 30 days!
Well, starting tomorrow, I can begin saying 'I get married this month!' Yay! I'm so excited. This past week has been a little rough for Naomi and I. Communicating well has, in general, been something that God had blessed us richly with. But this week has been a bit strained at times. Both of us have been kind of busy, and the times we get to talk on the phone or Skype hasn't been too high quality. But God is awesome (as He always is), and has given us a lot of grace and patience with each other, and has used the struggles to draw us closer to Him, and to each other as well. It feels to me like He accomplishes the most in the uncomfortable times in my life. One thing He has taught me, though, is that I can praise Him even in the storms of life. Even when the world seems to come crashing down, He is still there, is still Sovereign, is still a loving, compassionate, and tender King. And I will praise Him all the days of my life!
Lord, I love You. I praise You. I worship and adore You. I choose to serve you in every moment of every day by the power of Your Spirit living in me. Truly You are my all in all, Lord. May your Name be exalted over all the earth!
Lord, I love You. I praise You. I worship and adore You. I choose to serve you in every moment of every day by the power of Your Spirit living in me. Truly You are my all in all, Lord. May your Name be exalted over all the earth!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
31 days left!... and this too is a process...
I was reading today from 'My Utmost for His Highest', and was prompted by the Lord to reevaluate the motivations behind my thoughts and actions. If you read this book, you'll notice that I'm a couple of days behind (this is the July 28th reading), but here's the passage that made me stop and think:
That's not what God has in mind at all. He is teaching me obedience to Him in waiting. Testing and building my faith in Him in all circumstances. Faith in God's perfect plan is easy when things seem to be moving along nicely. Not so easy, however, when things seem to go wrong or just to be at a standstill.
If only I had realized this during past 'dry spells' in my spiritual life. They didn't happen because I was somehow not 'close enough' to God. They happened because He was trying to turn my heart back to unconditional obedience to His will. Trying to do things on my own strength is pushing God out of the picture. And He was gracious enough to allow me to see how futile that is. God definitely calls us to action in service to Him, but the difference between what I was trying to do and what He wants me to do is that that action can only be through Him. Not 'what I need to do', but 'what God needs to do through me.'
Father, I submit to your will in all things. I praise you for your sovereign plan for everything. I worship you, Lord, and I cast down my life at your feet. Whether it is times when you call me to action, or times when you call me to obedience to Your will in being still and waiting on You. Give me a heart that seeks after you, Jesus. A heart that is obedient in all things. The consequences and results of my actions are not for me to worry about. Everything I say and do belongs fully and only to You. I wait on You, Lord. Give me the wisdom to learn from every moment of my life. I love You, my Father, my King, my Savior.
God's training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.
God's purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious.
-quoted from 'My Utmost for His Highest, An Updated Edition in Today's Language' by Oswald Chambers. Edited by James Reimman. Discovery House Publishers, 1992
Wow. I have been trying to make myself wait patiently for God, to be at peace in the 'here-and-now', and to leave things in His Almighty hands. But I didn't look on these waiting periods as God's training in my life. Instead I saw them as trials to be endured.
That's not what God has in mind at all. He is teaching me obedience to Him in waiting. Testing and building my faith in Him in all circumstances. Faith in God's perfect plan is easy when things seem to be moving along nicely. Not so easy, however, when things seem to go wrong or just to be at a standstill.
If only I had realized this during past 'dry spells' in my spiritual life. They didn't happen because I was somehow not 'close enough' to God. They happened because He was trying to turn my heart back to unconditional obedience to His will. Trying to do things on my own strength is pushing God out of the picture. And He was gracious enough to allow me to see how futile that is. God definitely calls us to action in service to Him, but the difference between what I was trying to do and what He wants me to do is that that action can only be through Him. Not 'what I need to do', but 'what God needs to do through me.'
Father, I submit to your will in all things. I praise you for your sovereign plan for everything. I worship you, Lord, and I cast down my life at your feet. Whether it is times when you call me to action, or times when you call me to obedience to Your will in being still and waiting on You. Give me a heart that seeks after you, Jesus. A heart that is obedient in all things. The consequences and results of my actions are not for me to worry about. Everything I say and do belongs fully and only to You. I wait on You, Lord. Give me the wisdom to learn from every moment of my life. I love You, my Father, my King, my Savior.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
32 days... or when God says 'wait'
Sometimes we can clearly hear God give us a 'yes' or a 'no' to a request we've put before Him. Sometimes He speaks to us directly through His Spirit, sometimes He uses other people or events to give us an answer, and sometimes He speaks through His Word. We're not always happy with the answer we get. We don't understand why God doesn't do things the way we think they should be done. We don't understand why He said 'no' instead of 'yes'.
Even harder than getting an answer that I don't expect or want to hear from God is getting an answer that simply says 'wait'. And that's the answer that I got today from Him. Naomi and I have been praying about a big decision in our lives and we thought we had heard Him give us an answer. We acted on that, and went ahead with where we thought He was leading. Today something came up that makes it seem like we might not have made the right decision.
I was confused, and angry at myself. I thought I hadn't heard God right, and had acted in my own interests instead of His. I immediately started trying to figure out how I could change things, and take another route on this problem. I spent a lot of the day in prayer, seeking God's will. I was looking for guidance in where to proceed from here. I was ready to go do whatever it was that He wanted. I wanted to take action to 'fix things'.
And the answer I got was... 'Wait'.
Well, that's not what I wanted to hear. I wanted something I could act on. Something concrete that I could start doing. Phone calls to make, things to reorganize and re-plan. But God really impressed on me that all things work together in His time. He didn't say that we will or won't have to change plans. He didn't say that I'd messed it all up, or that I'd gotten it right the first time. He just said that the thing to do right now was to wait on Him.
I don't know why. I can't even begin to imagine all the plans God has. All I have is what I can see from my vanishingly small human perspective. And right now, God is telling me that He can see the big picture, and He is still sovereign, and He controls the future. Not me.
It was a good reminder to me. Sometimes it's easy to forget that even a 'yes' from God can be a 'yes, but not right now'. It's hard to wait on the Lord. But I know it will be worth it. I'm excited to see Him work.
Lord, I ask that you grant me patience. I want to do something now. I don't want to wait. Please forgive me for not trusting that you are in control of this situation. I give to you my impatient heart, and ask that you mold it into a heart that waits for You. A heart that is in tune with Yours. A heart that doesn't need to understand all the circumstances, but trusts You in everything even when I can't see where I'm going. Thank you, Jesus.
Even harder than getting an answer that I don't expect or want to hear from God is getting an answer that simply says 'wait'. And that's the answer that I got today from Him. Naomi and I have been praying about a big decision in our lives and we thought we had heard Him give us an answer. We acted on that, and went ahead with where we thought He was leading. Today something came up that makes it seem like we might not have made the right decision.
I was confused, and angry at myself. I thought I hadn't heard God right, and had acted in my own interests instead of His. I immediately started trying to figure out how I could change things, and take another route on this problem. I spent a lot of the day in prayer, seeking God's will. I was looking for guidance in where to proceed from here. I was ready to go do whatever it was that He wanted. I wanted to take action to 'fix things'.
And the answer I got was... 'Wait'.
Well, that's not what I wanted to hear. I wanted something I could act on. Something concrete that I could start doing. Phone calls to make, things to reorganize and re-plan. But God really impressed on me that all things work together in His time. He didn't say that we will or won't have to change plans. He didn't say that I'd messed it all up, or that I'd gotten it right the first time. He just said that the thing to do right now was to wait on Him.
I don't know why. I can't even begin to imagine all the plans God has. All I have is what I can see from my vanishingly small human perspective. And right now, God is telling me that He can see the big picture, and He is still sovereign, and He controls the future. Not me.
It was a good reminder to me. Sometimes it's easy to forget that even a 'yes' from God can be a 'yes, but not right now'. It's hard to wait on the Lord. But I know it will be worth it. I'm excited to see Him work.
Lord, I ask that you grant me patience. I want to do something now. I don't want to wait. Please forgive me for not trusting that you are in control of this situation. I give to you my impatient heart, and ask that you mold it into a heart that waits for You. A heart that is in tune with Yours. A heart that doesn't need to understand all the circumstances, but trusts You in everything even when I can't see where I'm going. Thank you, Jesus.
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