Looking forward to leave

Tomorrow is my last day of work for 19 days! I'm taking leave until January 10th, and I can't wait. I'm leaving for Waxhaw right after I get off work tomorrow to spend Christmas and New Years with my wonderful family and my beautiful girlfriend. Tim's going to be down from school, and Aunt Rachel is coming down to visit, too. Hopefully while I'm up there I'll get a chance to drive up to Raleigh and visit NC State for a day. I got accepted there starting in summer semester of '08, so as long as the Navy clears everything, I'm definitely going. As much as I've had a great time teaching at NPTU, I'll definitely be glad to be leaving here. I'm ready for something new and challenging, and going back to school as a 24 year old freshman should be an interesting experience. The Navy made me change my intended major, so now I'll be studying materials engineering instead of construction engineering, but since they're paying for it all, I suppose I can't complain too much.

God has continued to bless Naomi and I in our relationship, and it's been an incredible experience so far seeing His hand at work as we both seek His face and His will in our times together and our times apart, too. We've been reading through "Boy Meets Girl" by Josh Harris, and talking about it chapter by chapter on the phone at night. It's been encouraging, and also it's brought out some good questions and prompted some great conversations. I wish I had read it a long time ago. We'd both really appreciate prayer that God would give us peace and contentment as we're doing the 'long-distance relationship' thing. It's hard sometimes, but it's comforting to know that God has a plan, and it's neat to see the things He's been teaching me through it.

I would write more, but it's 9:00 now, which means it's time to call Naomi! :)

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

-Ephesians 3:20, 21 NIV

Back on shift work

Tonight will be my third night of mids... the first week I've had to work mid-shift since July. I went back to crew (and shift work) ten days ago, and I'll be doing this until I leave for NSI in late January. I wasn't very happy about leaving my nice day-staff job, but I am trying to make the best of it and trust God that He has reasons for where He has me right now. Thankfully Naomi has been very understanding and supportive of me with my weird schedules now, and has gotten used to me calling at all sorts of strange times of the day. It has been just under a month that we've been dating now, and I'm still amazed every time I talk to her or see her by God's plans and timing. This relationship was really not something that I felt at all prepared for, and God has been using it in many ways to grow me and stretch me in my walk with Him. It has been amazing to me to see His faithfulness every step of the way, and He has been teaching me every day to find my strength in Him, and to give up every part of my old self to Him. Every day He brings to mind more areas of my life that need His power and cleansing, and every day I realize more and more my complete dependence on Him. Learning to trust Him completely has been hard... there's so many areas of my life where I want to be in control, so many decisions that I want to make for myself, so many parts of my life that I don't want to change or don't think I can change. But at the same time it is so completely awesome to see Him at work in every facet of my life, changing and renewing and healing. There's so much room to grow, and I thank God that in His wisdom He only reveals to me as much as I can handle at one time. Sometimes it seems like more than I can take, but He is faithful. Always. Even my bad days aren't that bad anymore. He is always at work, and I am so grateful to Him for that.



Lord, please never let me become satisfied with who I am while I am still living in this sinful human body. I pray that every day You would point out the areas in my life that do not conform to You. The habits, the thoughts, the attitudes... Lord, I want to be more like You. Let me never lose sight of that goal. Let it permeate my every thought, my every action, my every word. Thank you for Your power to change lives. I am a life that was changed. Let me never cease to give You glory and honor and praise.

What love is this?

How deep the Father's love
How awesome His compassion
For years I turned my back on Him
Tried to do things my way
Did what felt good
No thoughts for tomorrow
I was
young
invincible
fearless


Wrong

The choices I made still
haunt me
sometimes, on nights like this
I wonder
how
could I have been so foolish
thoughtless
careless
how did I ever think it was about
me, even for a moment?

and I am ashamed
without excuse


Why did you not forsake me, God?
Why did you keep loving me?
Why were you right there when I needed you?

Even in my arrogance You
protected me
loved me
guided my every step

longing, hoping
waiting for me to
turn around and
acknowledge you,
see you, and smile
to love you, even a little

What do you see in me, O my King?
Who am I, that you think of me,
want me
to see your face?

O Lord, what Love is this??

another short one

So I have some stuff I've written recently that I want to post, but it's on paper, and is at home in Charleston, and I'm here in Waxhaw... so, in the meantime here's what else is new. God is constantly poking and prodding me in so many areas of my life that I need to change. Every time I struggle through one thing and finally (with a massive amount of help from Him) get it straightened out, He points out another shortcoming, another area where I could be more like Christ. It is actually really awesome! It's so exciting to see everything that my Lord and my Savior has done with me and through me in the last few months. And the things He has done for me. One particularly bright and shining example is the godly, loving, stunningly gorgeous woman He has placed in my life. She's amazing, and it's been incredible getting to know her better each day. She lives up here in Waxhaw, but so far it's worked out for us to see each other fairly regularly. I'm really excited about seeing what God does with this relationship, and about devoting it wholly and completely to Him. He is truly an awesome God!

quick update

So I have successfully quit smoking, not because of anything I have done (to be honest, I didn't even really want to quit at the beginning), but through the power and grace of my Lord Jesus Christ. It's been over a month now, and I haven't even had a single craving for one. Awesome. Looking back on it now, it's kind of hard to believe that I really did that to myself for so long. It's unbelievable how much better and healthier I feel now.

In other news... two pretty neat things happened lately. The first is that I got the day-staff job I wanted, working as the RPPO (repair parts guy) for EOD (electrical off-hull division). Mostly that means I don't work swings or mids or weekends or holidays anymore, and instead of training students, I am doing maintenance work almost exclusively. I love it.

The other neat thing is that I found out on Sunday that I got selected for the STA-21 officer accession program. So, in February next year I will be heading up north somewhere (Rhode Island, maybe?) for 8 weeks of NSI (too many acronyms in this post... this one stands for Naval Science Institute), and then after that reporting to the NROTC unit at NC State (probably... that's not set in stone yet... Penn State is still sort of an option), and attending class full time starting that fall. How cool is that! So I'm going back to college. Wierd. Now that I'm 23 years old, and everyone from my high school class has already graduated.

so yep... that's the new stuff that's going on. I've been going to a service at church called Every Tuesday, which is a really cool young-adult service at Seacoast, and I've been loving that. Then church on Saturday nights too, or Sunday mornings sometimes. God has been doing TREMENDOUS things in my life, in so many different areas. It's truly amazing. What a merciful and awesome and loving Lord we serve.


-Anson

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel so far away from God, even though I know He's right there waiting for me to come back to Him. Sometimes I get frustrated that I can't see His plan for my life, and I feel like I am wasting time where I am in life. Sometimes I get confused and hurt and sad and wonder where God is, even though He wants to help if I would just ask.

Sometimes I glimpse His face and everything is perfect in the world for that one instant. Sometimes I hear His voice at the unlikeliest of moments and feel like I could walk on the clouds. Sometimes through all the confusion I see a thread of my life leading back to God, my maker, my friend, my master, and I shake my head in wonder that He could love me, a sinner, condemned, unclean. Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child.

Sometimes I feel ashamed to even talk to Him. Sometimes I wonder if the people I work with all day even know I'm a Christian. Sometimes I think about what people think of me more than what God thinks about me. Sometimes I feel unworthy and unclean.

But He is always teaching me, growing me, loving me, protecting me, preparing a place for me, guiding my every word and thought and deed. He is always there, even when I'm not. He is always faithful, always just, always GOD.

I can do all things through Christ...

So tomorrow starts a big change for me. I am finally (with a lot of help from God) quitting smoking. For those of you who don't know, I have been smoking since I lived in PNG (about six years now). I've tried quitting a few times in the past, and the best I've done, on my own strength, has been about two weeks. In the last few days the Lord has really impressed on me the need to quit. It is an addiction that says I can't get by in life without help from something of the world; it is an area of my life that until this point I have been reluctant to give over to Him. I don't feel like the Bible specifically says anything about smoking any more than it does about drinking coffee, not getting enough sleep, or not exercising. It is about the gift God has given us in these human bodies, and maintaining what He has given us.

It's going to be rough at first getting back into work (tomorrow is my first day back in a while) and also breaking a very ingrained habbit, and I would appreciate prayer if you think about it during the next few weeks, especially. Thoughts and suggestions from anyone who has fought this addiction in the past would be very welcome, too. :)

I'll try to keep you posted on how it's going. I am actually looking forward to this very much, and dreading it at the same time.


Anson


Update: It's been over a week now, and God is truly amazing. I haven't smoked once since I committed to quitting, and what is even more incredible, I haven't even really had a strong urge to at all! I could have never done this by myself. Truly we serve an awesome God!

Music and motorcycles

I just got back from a long motorcycle ride today, and wanted to share part of it with you. I was driving from Green Bay to Waxhaw, so I had a lot of time on my hands. About an hour into the first day of the trip, the song "I Stand Amazed in the Presence" started going through my head. At first I just sang it thoughtlessly, but then I started actually thinking about the words. What a powerful song! If you don't know how it goes, I'll post the lyrics at the end of the post. I broke down crying, there on my bike speeding down the interstate. The Lord is truly amazing; his grace, his love, his forgiveness, his patience are beyond all human understanding. What a humbling and at the same time uplifting song!

While music is by no means a necessary part of worshiping God, in my life it is one of the most powerful ways for me to get in touch with Him. A good song I can feel all the way down to my bones, and it'll send a shiver up my spine. What an amazing God that has given some people such creative talent and such a deep relationship with Jesus that they can produce such moving and powerful music.

If you have the time, read through the lyrics, even if you know the song, and really think about them. What an incredible sacrifice Christ made for us, and what an awesome future He has bought for us with his life. All our sins, all our pain, all our past... washed away by His blood. Incredible. The version of the song I have on my computer is by Chris Tomlin off the album "Passion: Everything Glorious." If you've never heard the song and can spare 99 cents, it's available on iTunes, or probably any other music store site, or you could just buy the whole album. Worship music is awesome!

I stand amazed in the presence

Of Jesus the Nazarene

And wonder how he could love me,
A sinner, condemned unclean

Chorus
Singing, how marvelous, how wonderful
And my song shall ever be:
How marvelous, how wonderful
Is my Savior's love for me

He took my sins and my sorrows

He made them His very own

He bore the burden to Calvary

And suffered and died alone

Chorus

When I'm ransomed in glory

His face I at last shall see

It will be my joy through the ages

To sing of His love for me

Chorus



Update: changed the artist and album of the version of the song I have... I wasn't at my computer at the time and remembered wrong.

The way I feel... in someone else's words

http://www.xanga.com/pngpianist/577845149/i-miss-png.html



Mandy, thank you for writing this. I have read it half a dozen times now, and I feel like I am back there each time I read it. The pain never does go away for me. I stuff it back into a corner of my life most of the time, so I can get by in this 'new' place (even though I've been back almost six years now), but it's always there. Whenever I get lonely, whenever I sit by myself somewhere quiet and think, it all comes rushing back. For those few minutes I am back in Ukarumpa, Goroka, Madang. Back with people I knew and trusted, back walking the familiar roads, riding along the ridge, walking through Madang at night stopping and talking with people we knew. Back at the Bird in Goroka for the day, enjoying the pool, buying old shilling coins at the market. Back at the Teen Center for a swing dance, for Soul Purpose, for Banquet, for basketball on Wednesdays, and hamburgers on Fridays. Back at Jais Aben, diving the wrecks, or Pig Island. Back at Gusap airfield, walking through the wreckage of old warplanes, finding spent casings and bomb shells. Back in Port Moresby staying at Mapang for the night on my way to somewhere else, sitting on the porch in the hot evenings swatting mosquitos. Back at Lae International, playing with the band there, staying at the Guesthouse for a class retreat...

Thank you.

Wierd...

I think I just had the longest phone conversation of my life... I just got off the phone with my brother and looked at the phone and it said I'd been talking for 55 minutes. I'm pretty sure I've never even had a 30 minute conversation on a phone before.

I spent most of today and yesterday and Friday over at Jake's working on his bathroom and kitchen. Hopefully we'll be done enough by the end of tomorrow that he can finish the last few things himself. I have some work I wanted to get done here this weekend, too, but I guess it'll wait another week to get done.

Four-off

So this is my nice four-day weekend, except that I'm still going in to work tonight... sigh... I have part of my SRO qual that I have been trying to get the last few days, but plant conditions didn't support it. I was up last night until about 2:00AM trying to get it, and finally went to bed. So tonight I called in to work to see if they were going to do it, and they said if I was there at 11:30 I should be able to get it. My qual date is before the next shutdown, and since this is a shutdown qualification, I need to get it done now.

I spent the afternoon over at Jake's house laying tile in his bathroom, and getting his kitchen ready so we can lay tile in there tomorrow. My bathroom is almost done. One more coat of paint should do it, I think.

The weather man says it might snow tonight. It was almost 60 degrees here during the day, but somehow it's supposed to get below freezing tonight. On Wednesday it was almost 70, which was nice. I wish it would just stay warm for a while.

In other news, it looks like Ukarumpa just got its own power station. I guess Yonki has been getting worse about keeping the lights on. There's an article about it here

hmm...

OK. So it's below freezing outside right now. Not by much, but way more than enough. What happened, South Carolina??? Where did all my warm weather go? I had on three layers of clothes this morning just to walk out to my truck, and I was still freezing. So maybe I'm spoiled... but this cold weather has got to go. Now.

Work is... well, work-ish, I guess. We're in the 07-1 shutdown now, so with no Tiger Team this time things are sort of boring. The SRO quals are going well... I would explain in more detail, but I don't think anyone would know what I'm talking about anyway, so I won't. Suffice it to say I had a SRW U/I this morning which was an eye-opener... but fun. I should be qualified in another two weeks or so if I can get my comp and board scheduled in time.

I picked up the paper work for my STA-21 program this afternoon. Now I just have to collect all the required documentation and such, take the ACT (again... it's been, I think 6 years since I took that last) and come up with good reasons why I want to be an officer for my CO's interview and the three-officer board I have to do. What a lot of work. I think I'm going to dig up a lot of my paperwork from my application to USNA during my senior year and re-use some of that. :)

umm... hmm... I just finished my homework for tonight. Actually, it was due yesterday afternoon, but I was working, and then I fell asleep when I got home. I'm almost finished with my Java class, and Calc 1 just started. Calc was hard to get started into again, but I'm starting to remember some of the stuff now.

I think that's all

Random picture

An awesome picture that Dad took at the beach at Sullivan's Island a few weeks ago.

One reason I love SC

It's 73 degrees outside right now, the grass is starting to turn green again, and flowers are popping up in the back yard. And it's the middle of January!

Three more days of work this week. The 07-1 shutdown starts next week, but this time I won't be going to Tiger Team. I tried to go, but they wanted to send another electrician from our crew so he can get the experience. In some ways it will be nice, because the shutdown watchbill doesn't need as many people to support it, so it means a little more time off for me. I'll be busy with my Shutdown Reactor Operator qual, though.

The family is leaving for Cameroon in a couple of weeks. I wish I could go, too. I am getting restless again, and want to see someplace new. I still don't feel like I completely fit in with Americans. It's not a bad thing... I don't think I really want to ever be as complacent and oblivious as so many people in this country are.

I'm off to enjoy the sunshine for a little bit more before I have to head in to work for the day.